Not everything in here is accurate, but this has a lot of insights:
Women live in a neurotic hell : sincereseduction
Men often cannot understand why womens’ sexual attraction is linked to a desire for emotional experiences. Why does a woman need a man to have fun? Why can a woman not make fun emotional experiences on her own? And what do emotional experiences have to do with women getting horny? Obviously, men also like women who are fun, interesting, and adventurous, but most men would still be sexually attracted to a beautiful woman if she was boring, anxious, and dumb as a bag of rocks. Women are different. A woman can have no desire to have sex with a man, but then spend an afternoon walking around a museum watching him confidently make fun of the paintings and then want to fuck his brains out afterwards. Why?
I was personally perplexed by womens’ need for fun emotional experiences because I did not understand why I always needed to make things “fun” for women. I noticed my approaches were much more effective when I was fun, high-energy, and positive, but the moment an interaction started to get boring or stale, I could feel the woman emotionally checking out and her attention slowly drifting away. I was confused. If a woman “liked” me, why did I need to create emotional fireworks? When I was around my guy friends, I could just drink a bunch of beers and watch the game saying nothing at all. Why couldn’t I do that with women? Why did I need “game” or to “hold frame” or any of the bullshit this place is about? Also, why could I not tell her about my problems and fears like guys in the movies do? These questions perplexed me because, like most men, I expected womens’ sexual attraction to be like mens’ sexual attraction, which it is not.
I soon learned that emotional experiences drive womens’ sexual attraction because women are much, much, much, more neurotic than men and evolved to rely on the alpha male for positive emotion. In fact, whether a man can alleviate a woman’s neuroticism is the primary way she evolved to recognize the alpha male. If a woman feels bored, unsafe, or other negative emotions around a man, or worse – if she senses that the man himself feels negative emotion – evolution is telling her to get away from him and find the real alpha male. Women can obviously feel positive emotion without men, but the alpha male provides women feelings of power, confidence, fun, status, and freedom from anxiety that women cannot generate on their own. In fact, I would say that the core of the masculine-feminine polarity is the attraction between the negative, insecure, cautious woman and the confident, positive alpha male.
The word “neurotic” simply means “sensitive to negative emotion.” According to the psychologist Edmund Thompson, “individuals with high scores for neuroticism are more likely than average to be moody and to experience such feelings as anxiety, worry, fear, anger, frustration, envy, jealousy, guilt, depressed mood, and loneliness.” Studies show that women consistently score higher than men on neuroticism tests and suffer from anxiety and depression at more than twice the rate of men. Feminists and other social constructionists often claim that women score higher on neuroticism tests because life in the modern world is worse for women, and they may be correct to some degree, but it seems clear that at least part of womens’ neuroticism is inherent in their biology.
Aside from science, you can tell women are neurotic by just observing them. Women freak out about small things and remote threats, they are terrified of transgressing boundaries and making people upset, they cry at work, they are disproportionately affected about innocuous comments and minor insults, and they often obsessively focus on the worst possible thing that can happen in every situation. Not all women are neurotic in the same way or degree, but overall, the average woman is much more neurotic than the average man.
Women are neurotic because the two strongest positive emotions to human beings are 1) the feeling of venturing into the unknown, defeating challenges, and getting the things you want (adventure), and 2) the feeling of being accepted by the tribe (acceptance). Women are unable to generate these emotions on their own, which is why they are dependent on the alpha male for these core elements of their happiness. Women are physically weaker than men and responsible for taking care of babies, so they evolved to be afraid of the unknown, averse to any kind of confrontation (especially physical combat), hyper-sensitive to threats, and terrified of being rejected by the tribe. Of course, if there is no alpha male around and women were absolutely forced to take the lead and fight the bad guys, they can do so, they will just feel a lot more negative emotion doing it.
From an evolutionary standpoint, womens’ neuroticism is a feature, not a bug. The last thing evolution wants is for women to wander the jungle alone or directly confront bad guys, so it instilled a powerful compulsion in them to stay in the territory of the tribe and venture into the unknown only under the protection of the alpha male. Women can contribute to the tribe in many ways so long as they do not take the lead because leading requires the emotional fortitude to confront challenges head-on. Leadership also requires one to take responsibility for the tribe’s success or failure, and women do not want that responsibility because they cannot take the risk that the tribe will turn on them and reject them for failing.
Negative emotions are basically alarm systems designed to alert us when there is a threat or when it thinks we are going to do something that would cause the tribe to reject us. In women, this alarm system is constantly going off, whether or not there is a real problem. Womens’ neuroticism is like lightning; it often strikes out of nowhere (influenced by hormones or other triggers) and sometimes goes away just as quickly when somebody convinces her that everything will be ok. I actually spoke to a woman today who told me that she stayed in all weekend because she was on her period and knew she would, in her own words, “be a fucking c**t to everybody.”
To make matters worse, womens’ neuroticism causes their subconscious mind to confabulate insanely weird and irrational negative thoughts. Confabulation (also called “hamstering”) is when a person’s subconscious brain hijacks their conscious brain and creates thoughts to justify whatever it is feeling. An example of confabulation is a crackhead convincing themselves it is ok to just smoke crack one more time. If you have ever tried to argue with a woman in the grip of neuroticism, you will notice that much of the justifications she makes for her negative emotions make no sense whatsoever and arguing with them is like playing a wack-a-mole with insane arguments.
As a man, it is almost impossible for you to understand or appreciate the depths of women’s neuroticism, so you should just assume it is infinite and reaches all the way down to hell. I have lots of experience with crazy women, but I still regularly find myself shocked at the weird, crazy, evil, devious things women do. You should NEVER underestimate a woman’s insecurity and neuroticism, which means you must be all the more indestructibly, irrationally positive no matter what the situation is. As we will learn, men have mechanisms to alleviate their neuroticism that women do not, and womens’ helplessness in the face of negative emotion means there is almost nothing crazy they will not do.
Here is an example: an attractive and successful woman I know recently went to the hospital for burning her hand with soup. The next day, she posted a video on social media of herself crying and saying “I am in so much pain … if I die, then I want everybody to remember me.” Obviously, she was being irrational if she really thought she might die of a burnt hand. But even if she knew she would not die and just posted that video for attention, that would also be a manifestation of her neuroticism because she need attention and acceptance so badly that she posted a video of herself saying something extremely fucking stupid on the internet. (In case you were worried, she survived and went to Cancun the week after the accident.)
Womens' neuroticism is important and recurring theme in this book because it is the primary driver of womens’ sexual attraction and motivates much of what they do. Most of womens’ flakiness, bitchiness, moodiness, clinginess, over-sensitivity, nagging, and crazy and bizarre behavior, are caused by their neuroticism. Most importantly, womens’ shit tests are simply neurotic projections – they want to see if the alpha male is also perturbed by the negative feelings that haunt her, or if he can just brush them off.
Once you realize most of women’s craziness is an irrational manifestation of their neuroticism, you will be able to brush off their shit tests and not take their weird and shitty behavior personally. People are wired to be friendly and cooperative by default - when people feel accepted, safe, and like they have a high, safe status in the tribe, they happily emotionally connect with other members of their tribe. People only act shitty and defensive when they feel like the tribe has rejected them and they are vulnerable and weak. Therefore, when a woman acts shitty or flaky, even if she is extremely hot or high status, she is crying for help that she is insecure and needs a powerful alpha male to make her feel better. Instead of taking womens’ shit tests personally or getting upset, therefore, you should just laugh it off and feel bad for her.
Because women live in a neurotic hell, they are like crack addicts for positive emotion. Womens’ baseline emotional state is boredom and anxiety, so they have an almost irresistible urge to impulsively go on dangerous, transgressive, crazy, wild, adventures with dominant, confident, fun men. This urge exists because it is only through men with fun emotional experiences that women can experience novelty, conquer enemies, enjoy pleasures they cannot otherwise access, and feel victorious, powerful, loved, accepted, and high-status. In many ways, an attractive man who is unflinchingly confident and positive is like an emotional drug dealer for women, and women are the fiends, which is why women often compare relationships to alpha males to religious experiences.
Most women are self-aware enough to know they have a powerful urge to follow attractive guys on random adventures, so they take great pains to be safe and make sure the wrong people do not find out what they are doing. This is why women are wildest on vacation and only around certain friends. This is also why women enjoy being approached by attractive men – they are dying to leave their boring bubble and experience something transgressive and fun. I have said to women “I am impressed you would decide to spontaneously go on an adventure with a random guy you just met” and almost every time the woman responded by saying “I knew what I was doing.”
The deepest, darkest secret about game, and something most men do not understand, is that women often reject men not because of a lack of attraction, but because of their neuroticism. In other words, women often do not reject you because they do not like you, but because they are afraid you will reject them. Women are extremely insecure (insecure just means the fear of being rejected by the tribe), so women assume they are rejected by default constantly interpret little things men do as rejection or signs of impending rejection.
As we will learn, it is counterintuitive, but showing women no emotion whatsoever is often the easiest way to get them to emotionally invest in you, because womens’ neuroticism will cause them to interpret any emotion you show towards them in a negative way. For example, if you tell a woman you “like” her, she will subconsciously assume you are a loser with no options who only likes her because you cannot do better, or she may assume that you are a lying, manipulative fuckboy who just wants to fuck her and break her heart, or she may assume you are her dream man and you will get married and have a beautiful life and then three years from now you will die in a car accident and she will be heartbroken so it would have been better if she never met you at all. That may sound insane to you, but that is because you do not understand the depth of womens’ neuroticism.
For this reason, you should not take rejection personally. Women often reject men for tons of reasons that have nothing to do with the man – they might have misinterpreted your actions in that moment in the wrong way, they may interpret some small thing you do as evidence of some huge problem, or they may just feel shitty for unrelated reasons and project those feelings on you. Unless a woman actually did something wrong to you (like broke a promise or actively tried to hurt you), you should just ignore every rejection and act like it did not happen so you can live to fight another day. After the neurotic storm passes, women often later think back at their behavior and realize they were being crazy, and then give the guy another shot. I have personally reconnected with many women who “rejected” me when I encountered in them in a different setting or emotional state. But if you freak out and get butthurt, like most men do when they get rejected, you will just make her feel like her neurotic thoughts were correct.
So how does one alleviate womens’ neuroticism?
One of the biggest mistakes men make is trying to “fix” womens’ neuroticism with rational arguments. Rational arguments do not work because womens’ neuroticism is a deep, subconscious product of their ancient lizard brain, so words have no effect on it. It would be great if you could just say to a woman “I promise I like you, your fears are stupid, everything will be ok, now let’s fuck.” But unfortunately, that is not how it works. Even if you can somehow convince a woman one of her negative thoughts is irrational, her subconscious brain will just confabulate a new one. In fact, rational arguments often make the woman’s neuroticism worse because negative emotions feed on thoughts, so the more words and ideas you put in her brain, the more fuel you give to justify her negative emotions.
The other big mistake men make is catering to women because of their neuroticism. Men try to make women feel better by listening to her problems and doing favors for her even when she does not deserve them, wrongly thinking that the woman will feel better and start to like them. Unfortunately, not only does being a woman’s servant not alleviate her neuroticism, it usually makes it worse, because it causes her to feel like you are a beta male.
The only thing that can defeat an emotion is a stronger emotion, and the only thing that can defeat a woman’s neuroticism is the alpha male. You cannot fix a woman’s neuroticism by solving her problems: all you can do is generate a positive emotional experience for yourself and let her experience that emotional experience vicariously through you so she forgets and escape her own neuroticism. A woman’s subconscious brain looks at a man who fixes her problems as a dog-catcher that can solve individual problems but is worthless because her subconscious brain will generate a new problem in like 5 seconds. But a woman’s subconscious brain looks at an alpha male as a strong leader that can fix ALL her problems, which is why women feel much better around the alpha male.
It seems counterintuitive, but you are actually more likely to alleviate her neuroticism if you put yourself first, say “no” to her, brush off her concerns if they are irrational, and make her feel a little anxiety because you are being challenging. In other words, to cure her neuroticism, you must make her feel like you are the alpha male, and to make her feel like you are the alpha male, you must ensure your own emotional experience is awesome and not let her ruin it. A woman feels courageous, powerful, and positive around an alpha male because the alpha male feels that way. But if the alpha is freaking out too, or if he is even taking her neuroticism seriously, she remains in her neurotic hell.
All that said, you are not a woman’s therapist and it is not your responsibility to “fix” her neuroticism if she has not done anything to deserve your time and attention. It should not matter to you why she is neurotic, or whether she is rejecting you or being shitty because she is neurotic or because she actually does not like you. All you should do is focus on your mission and only pay her attention if and when she works for it. If her neuroticism causes her to ignore you or treat you like shit, you should move on. Being a woman’s emotional tampon or accepting shitty behavior because “she is going through something” will not fix her neuroticism or make her like you more; it will just make you look like a beta male, which paradoxically makes her feel MORE neurotic around you. The alpha male does not put up with bullshit, and the best thing you can do to cure her neuroticism is to not put up with her bullshit.
And finally, some womens’ neuroticism is so extreme, often because of trauma or abuse, that they need years of serious therapy before they can have a healthy relationship or even act normal around a man. Sometimes women get “triggered” when a man tries to act like an alpha male or hold his boundaries because they associate the man’s “mean” behavior with their previous abuser. While it is hypothetically possible that the alpha male could “cure” one of these damaged women if he acted with rock solid frame over a long enough period of time, as a practical matter, it is usually not worth your time and energy.
Humans evolved to naturally want to help people in distress, and women will often pretend like they need help to get your attention. But you must resist trying to “help” women who have done nothing to deserve it from you. Many, many beautiful women end up dying alone and miserable because they are so damaged that they are unable to maintain a healthy relationship with a man they find attractive. Oftentimes these women become damaged due to the actions of shitty men, but it is not your responsibility to atone for the sins of other men. All you can do is act like an alpha male and hope she gets herself together enough to deserve your time and attention.
My point in writing this section is not to say that women are weaker than men or inferior to men. Obviously, neuroticism is not limited to women and most of what I have written here also applies to many men. In fact, the only person with zero neuroticism is the archetypal alpha male, an idealized character that does not exist. I also know lots of courageous, badass, tough women that are much more “alpha” than the weak, insecure guys I know. But generally speaking, men evolved to have more of an ability to control their neuroticism and inch closer to the ideal of the archetypal alpha, so if you can make progress on this road, you will be much more attractive to women.