Lord Of The Rings Fan Site Describes J.R.R. Tolkien As Woke - "Lord of the Rings fan site, The One Ring, recently described Lord of the Rings writer J.R.R. Tolkien as woke in a recent Twitter thread. The website appears to have some kind of connection Amazon Studios current Lord of the Rings TV series production given they were the first to receive and publish the official synopsis of the show back in January. Regardless, they took to Twitter where they began a thread condemning “homophobic comments.”... It’s unclear what The One Ring is specifically taking issue with other than it has something to do with Ian McKellen and the Amazon production and alleged comments made about them. As you can see above, they don’t actually provide any evidence of these comments. And as for Tolkien being woke, one has to wonder what kind of definition of woke The One Ring is using because Tolkien is probably the furthest from woke as you can get being a devout Catholic. To elucidate this point, Bishop Robert Barron of the Archdiocese of Los Angeles describes wokeism as an “intellectual virus.” While asking if this ideology is the answer to injustice, he provides an excellent definition of what wokeism actually is. He questions, “But is this Foucaultian “woke” philosophy, which holds to an antagonistic social theory, which deconstructs language, which denies the objectivity of moral norms, and which sees reality simply as an incessant struggle between oppressor and oppressed, the answer?”"
From 2021. The wokebaiting started early
Meme - TheOneRing.net: "Listen, we've been dealing with homophobic comments for decades and it's still wrong. Whatever toxic arguments are being said now about LOTR fandom & adaptations is the same trash that said lan McKellen was the worst affront to Tolkien's legacy ever. #pride"
"May 4, 2006: McKellen admits that (LOTR) was the cause of his stardom... even suggesting that his open homosexuality was the reason he was given his major roles. since I came out, I keep getting all these parts, and my career's taken off."
Meme - "I can't remember a single person that complained about Sir lan's casting. But alright, i guess."
Amazon’s Rings of Power: Some Warning Signs But Still Hope - "Several instances of dialogue which seemed meant to be profound ended up feeling forced, shallow, and premature. Without Tolkien as the ultimate writer, the dialogue seemed devoid of the gravitas and meaning that’s so evident in the trilogy. (Peter Jackson’s Hobbit trilogy (2012–2014) also suffered from this issue for the same reason.) Additionally, I was disappointed with the depiction of the Elves. I couldn’t quite put my finger on the problem at first, but soon realized that they look…well, too normal. Peter Jackson succeeded in distinguishing the Elves from other races in the movies. They are a tall, beautiful, mysterious people, borne from faraway lands, with the ambiguous gift of immortality. In the show, however, you can’t tell that they’re Elves, apart from their pointed ears... it is safe to say that but Tolkien probably wouldn’t want his beloved world being used for such purposes. Tolkien had a general distaste for allegory... He built an entire fantastical world that’s best enjoyed when appreciated on its own terms, not ours. That’s a helpful tip I learned for enjoying art of any kind. We must learn to receive the work on its own terms, charitably giving it its fair due rather than seeing only what we want to see in it."
Amazon’s Rings of Power and Where the Conflict Really Lies - "The dialogue still feels forced and shallow in many places, and even contemporary at times. If you read through The Lord of the Rings, you’ll find a wealth of not only narrative but pages of rich poetry and song. The characters’ speech in Rings of Power falls flat and makes me wish the writers put more poetic and original Tolkien material into the script. The characters in the show also have a lot of intense psychological conflicts... I assume the writers did this to make the characters more relatable to modern audiences. However, was Tolkien focused on the internal conflicts of his characters, or is their adversity often more external, forcing them to choose “what they will do with the time that is given to them”? This approach is relatable to modern audiences, too, since we all must choose whether to side with good or evil and weigh the consequences of our actions. Donald Williams, Ph.D., author of Deeper Magic: The Theology Behind the Writings of C. S. Lewis, wrote about this issue in Peter Jackson’s trilogy... If Peter Jackson gave the LOTR cast unnecessary internal conflicts, then the Rings of Power writers have done it on steroids. This isn’t to say that the protagonists in the show aren’t inspiring at times, but it does seem like we’re getting characters who are a bit preoccupied with their own issues, and that might be a distraction from the bigger story in the long run. Internal conflict has an important place, I think, but maybe we also need characters who are undivided in their quest and moral virtue, especially if Tolkien was aiming for such portrayals in his fiction. Galadriel is the best we get in that sense with her vow to protect Middle Earth, but even she is often too quick-tempered to have a clear vision of what she needs to do and do it wisely... However the writers fare with inventing “Tolkien” dialogue, the challenge is to stay faithful to his reality, where good and evil are not Marvel cartoons."
Meme - "LoTR fans are the worst. Right up there with Star Wars fans."
"Imagine if a world class restaurant has been wonderful for decades...then they get a new chef who tries to pass off McDonalds as the same thing...and calls you bigoted for thinking its not that good. Thats where the LOTR fans are right now."
10 Ways Lord Of The Rings Has Aged Poorly - "5/10 The Lord Of The Rings Books Lack Diversity
4/10 Some Races In The Lord Of The Rings Are Inherently Evil
3/10 The Geography Of Middle Earth Is Concerning
Some critics of Tolkien's work have pointed out some potentially concerning connections between where certain groups live in Middle Earth and real-life biases. Geographically, there is a largely East vs. West dynamic in the books, which is even directly referenced in the text. In the books, the good characters are from the West, and the bad characters are from the East. Tolkien addressed this criticism, saying it arose simply due to the narrative he was telling, but it does parallel some concerning talking points. The idea of protecting "Western civilization" has been used by some bad actors in support of white nationalism and xenophobia...
2/10 Tolkien's Work Features Uncomfortable Racial Terminology...
Aragorn is discussing the Nazgûl with Barliman Butterbur. The innkeeper says that "[n]o black man shall pass my doors, while I can stand on my legs," and also refers to the Nazgûl using a slur. These lines have aged very poorly and are likely to detract from the intended message of love and cooperation in the books.
1/10 Tolkien's World Features Very Few Women"
"It doesn't meet SJW standards today, therefore it's bad"
Of course the author lists pronouns
Thread by @Huff4Congress on Thread Reader App – Thread Reader App - "Sauron didn’t plan to get shipwrecked, trapped on a raft, and almost eaten by a sea worm twice. He didn’t plan on meeting Galadriel, an elf who, astoundingly, had just jumped out of her ship to somehow swim the entire length of the Sundering Seas, in the middle of the ocean. Sauron didn’t plan to be rescued by the Númenoreans. He didn’t plan for Galadriel to refuse to believe that he’d stolen a symbol from a dead man as he told her, then insist that he was a king while he insisted he wasn’t. He didn’t plan to be out in prison for theft and assault. Sauron didn’t plan for Galadriel to somehow convince Númenor to send ships to Middle-earth. He didn’t plan to be caught in a pyroclastic flow from the eruption of Mount Doom. He didn’t plan to be stabbed by a lance. (offscreen?). He didn’t plan to get an infected gut wound. Sauron didn’t plan for Galadriel to force him to ride six days to Eregion, a stronghold of his millennia-old enemies, to be under care of elven healers (who don’t sense he’s Maiar?). He didn’t plan for Celebrimbor to let him assist on a project he couldn’t have known existed. Sauron didn’t plan on some grand scheme to seize power. He didn’t even lie to Galadriel. She orchestrated everything that happened to him, often in defiance of his explicit requests. He was ignored because Galadriel always, always insists she’s right. Sauron didn’t plan on corrupting the rings. He didn’t plan to assassinate Elrond or Gil-galad. He didn’t plan to sabotage Celebrimbor’s project, or steal the mithril, or do *anything* he could have easily done to ensure the elves would either die or leave Middle-earth. Sauron didn’t murder Galadriel when she confronted him about his true identity. Instead, he offered her to be the anchor for his redemption. Galadriel is furious he wants to be a king to heal Middle-earth? Honey, you TOLD THE SOUTHLANDS HE WAS THEIR KING. What this show establishes, in its utter fumbling incompetence and in defiance of the most basic of Tolkien’s lore, is that the Sauron of the Third Age is entirely a creation of a deceitful, manipulative Galadriel whose cruelty and rejection drive a repentant being back to evil. In summary: Sauron is a penitent nobody and happy to remain so as long he has a forge to work in and some metal to bang on, until a shrill, pushy Karen of an elf drags him back to power even though he begs her not to, then crushes him when he asks her out. This show is poison.
Addendum:
“But Sauron could have orchestrated all this to merely seem like coincidence.”
He saves Galadriel from drowning, twice. He gives her dagger back, twice. He provides Celebrimbor with the solution to allowing *the entire elven race* to remain in Middle-earth. Galadriel didn’t know who Sauron was, but Sauron certainly knew who she was. Ignore that he could’ve killed his greatest, most relentless foe 1000 times over during the course of the show. By *doing nothing*, he could’ve let her die, left her defenseless, let her race disappear. So, sure, I suppose there could be a reason Sauron needs Galadriel and the elves to be alive and active in Middle-earth as part of his evil scheme to rule all of Middle-earth. What these writers actually wrote, though, was “Galadriel friendzoned sad boi #Sauron into Mordor.”"... “Violent criminal escapes his former life only to be reluctantly dragged back” is a perfectly valid story to tell. See A History of Violence (starring Viggo “Aragorn” Mortensen!) or John Wick. It is not Sauron’s story as told by Tolkien. This is Soap Opera Sauron."
While ‘The Rings of Power’ Crashes And Burns, 'The Antediluvian Legacy' Is Tolkien-Like Fiction Done Right - "I was naturally curious about the project as a big-budget visit to Middle-earth, but after learning that the showrunners were acolytes of J. J. Abrams and seeing what Amazon did to The Wheel of Time, I didn’t have much faith that it would be anything but disappointing at best. Matthew Kadish and his Salty Nerd crew asked me to participate in a Saturday streaming discussion, though, so that pushed me over. My assessment overall: The Rings of Power was an absolute debacle, both in the context of existing Tolkien lore and as a fantasy narrative in its own right."
Rumor: Amazon To Retool ‘The Lord Of The Rings: The Rings Of Power’, Sideline Current Showrunners After First Season Was "More Of A Failure Than They Could Have Been Anticipated" - "Word of this apparent shake-up was first suggested by noted film critic, industry insider, and Film Threat founder Chris Gore during an appearance on the 314th episode of the YouTube livestream show Midnight’s Edge in the Morning... “I heard from someone who has a connect at Amazon that – if you wanna know – that effectively, they’re going to be retooling,” he explained. “And [Payne and McKay] are more than likely…they’re not gonna be publicly fired, but their role will be reduced.” “Potentially just remaining in the writers room,” he added, “but my understanding is they’re looking for more experienced showrunners.” To this end, Gore detailed that Amazon is “well aware of the problems” before noting that while “there’s what they publicly say,” there’s also “what they’re actually doing behind the scenes”. “And what they’re doing behind the scenes,” he then asserted, “is they’re freaking out that this was more of a failure than could have been anticipated.” As to what has caused the company higher-ups to ostensibly sit-up and get their act together, Gore speculated that there were three key reasons for this change. “I think the quality of the show is the number one thing,” he first opined. “[Audiences are] like ‘Why am I still watching this? This is sleep inducing.'” “The second thing is the total rejection from fans,” he next suggested. “I can’t believe…there has to be very few people who remain who still like it.” “And thirdly, the direct competition from House of the Dragon, ” he concluded. “Even like pre-seed and post-seed [of the show’s airing], it started earlier and is ending later [thus keeping it in viewers’ consciousness for a longer period of time]”... while some may feel justified in pointing to its respective 71/100 and 85% Fresh ratings from critics, these numbers are provably suspect thanks to Amazon Studio Boss Jennifer Selke’s own admission that they were censoring reviews from critics who had “points of view that we wouldn’t support“, which suggests an obvious slant in the sentiments communicated by those reviews which were actually published."
'The Lord Of The Rings: The Rings Of Power' Showrunner Accuses Show's Critics Of Being "Patently Evil" - "Prime Video, Amazon Studios, and The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power showrunners participated in one of the most obvious damage control pieces in the history of media by doubling down on their offensive and vile rhetoric by calling critics of the show “patently evil.”... Prime Video’s hatchet men of Anthony Breznican and Joanna Robinson derided Tolkien fans describing them as troll... The two then cited the Equality and Diversity Officer for the University of Glasgow’s Centre for Fantasy and the Fantastic Mariana Rios Maldonado. Maldonado is a radical political activist who is “interested in ethics, feminist theory, and encountering the Other in Tolkien,” but Vanity Fair painted her as a Tolkien scholar to attack fans... Since then Prime Video has deployed numerous media tactics to attack Tolkien fans. They used Elijah Wood, Sean Astin, Dominic Monaghan, and Billy Boyd as props to denounce fans criticizing the show... the official Twitter account for The Rings of Power issued a statement accusing fans of racism using the same “You Are All Welcome Here” slogan."
Lord of the Rings star slams Rings of Power as 'money-making venture' - "Lord of the Rings star Bernard Hill has slammed spin-off series The Rings of Power as a ‘money-making venture’, insisting he’s not interested in watching it... ‘It’s a money-making venture and I’m not interested in watching that or being in it. Good luck to them and all that stuff but it’s not like the real thing’... Asked if he believes the franchise would have been better if it were left as just the original trilogy, he continued: ‘Completely, yes. ‘I think they were pushing it when they made The Hobbit. The Hobbit’s a tiny book. ‘They did it well – they did it really, really well. They expanded it [but] I think you can only stretch a piece of elastic so far. I think they managed it in The Hobbit because there were some really good things in The Hobbit without a doubt.’"
Tolkien's myths are a political fantasy - "Tolkien’s myths are profoundly conservative. Both The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings turn on the “return of the king” to his rightful throne. In both cases this “victory” means the reassertion of a feudal social structure which had been disrupted by “evil”. Both books are one-sided recollections made the Baggins family, members of the landed gentry, in the Red Book of Westmarch – an unreliable historical source if ever there was one. A balanced telling might well have shown Smaug to be much more of a reforming force in the valley of Dale. And of course Sauron doesn’t even get to appear on the page in The Lord of the Rings, at least not in any form more substantial than a huge burning eye, exactly the kind of treatment one would expect in a work of propaganda. We’re left to take on trust from Gandalf, a manipulative spin doctor, and the Elves, immortal elitists who kill humans and hobbits for even entering their territory, when they say that the maker of the one ring is evil. Isn’t it more likely that the orcs, who live in dire poverty, actually support Sauron because he represents the liberal forces of science and industrialisation, in the face of a brutally oppressive conservative social order? The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings aren’t fantasies because they feature dragons, elves and talking trees. They’re fantasies because they mythologise human history, ignoring the brutality and oppression that were part and parcel of a world ruled by men with swords. But we shouldn’t be surprised that the wish to return to a more conservative society, one where people knew their place is so popular. It’s the same myth that conservative political parties such as Ukip have always played on: the myth of a better world that has been lost, but can be reclaimed by turning back the clock."
Liberals believe everything is and must be political, which is why they try to make everything explicitly political
Is Lord of the Rings Prejudiced Against Orcs? | WIRED - "“It’s hard to miss the repeated notion in Tolkien that some races are just worse than others, or that some peoples are just worse than others,” Duncan says. “And this seems to me—in the long term, if you embrace this too much—it has dire consequences for yourself and for society.”"
If you defend yourself against invaders who want to kill you, you're the evil one
Frodo and Sam’s gay romance in Lord of the Rings is more than a theory - "There are many relationships between men in the book, most of them platonic... The exception is Frodo Baggins and Samwise Gamgee — the Ring-bearer with an impossible burden, his loyal gardener, and the bond between them that ends up saving their world. Tolkien based Frodo and Sam’s relationship on ones he had seen and experienced in World War I — that between a usually upper-class officer and his batman, a usually lower-class man who served as his bodyguard, personal assistant, and constant companion. This basis does not preclude romance"
When an inability to understand friendship collides with a political agenda. Of course the article doesn't talk about Tokien's view on platonic love at all
Tolkien, Friendship and the Four Loves - "One of the most prominent themes running through Tolkien’s stories is friendship. While the most famous of these friendships is that between Frodo and Sam, it is still only one of many, with other examples including Maedhros and Fingon, Merry and Pippin, Bilbo and Gandalf, Túrin and Beleg, Beren and Finrod, Barahir and his group of outlaws, and Legolas and Gimli – that last being even more remarkable for the base of enmity from which it started. One thing that unites all those friendships is that they only involve males, and this can be directly related to the type of relationships Tolkien had through his life. From the formation of the TCBS (Tea Club Barrovian Society) at King Edward’s School in Birmingham to the end of the Inklings, Tolkien was always more comfortable with male companionship. While he did love his wife dearly, it was with his male friends that he would choose to spend long evenings, talking of mythology and religion; it was with his male friends that he would read out new works, expecting and receiving both criticism and praise. To begin to understand Tolkien’s view on his friendships, and the friendships of those in his books, it is useful to start with a quick look at the different types of love. Four types of love were recognised by the ancient Greek philosophers, and they have formed the basis for definitions ever since. These are affection (“storge”), erotic love (“eros”), friendship (“philae”), and selfless or divine love (“agape”)... Philae is brotherly love, free from the romance of eros. CS Lewis exalts this love as “the happiest and most fully human of all loves; the crown of life and the school of virtue” (Lewis, 1960) since it is entered into with complete freedom and it is created between people with common interests... To us today, the idea of intense male friendships is unfortunately almost always bound up with eros. But this is only a recent view, as through the first part of the 20th century and before, male friendship was seen as the ultimate expression of camaraderie, a value which was only emphasised by the two world wars... Strong philetic friendships were made by Tolkien through his life, even often to the exclusion of his own wife. They started in his schooldays with the TCBS, and culminated in the Inklings, his circle of friends in Oxford."
Putin Plays Lord Of The Rings, Gives Heads Of Ex-Soviet Republics Rings - " Almost as soon as Vladimir Putin gave out gold rings to the eight other leaders of the so-called Commonwealth of Independent States — a group of Moscow-influenced former Soviet republics — the Lord of the Rings jokes started... Putin reportedly kept a ninth ring himself... The only leader who looks to be wearing his gift in a group photo from the event is Belarusian President Alexander Lukashenko, who is reported to have put the band on his finger immediately."
Why The Rings Of Power SUCKS - A Scene Comparison - YouTube - "Comparing the Epic battle between Aragorn and Lurts in the Fellowship of the ring to the goofy wrestling match in the Rings of power"
Why The Rings Of Power SUCKS Part 2 - A Scene Comparison - YouTube - "Here we go again. This time i will be breaking down the troll battle in moria and comparing it to Troll battle in episode 1 of the rings of power."
Victor's answer to Was Galadriel a warrior princess? - Quora - "She has none. She is a sorceress who has great knowledge and inner strength. She has seen the light of the two trees (first age elves were borderline superheroes). As far as I'm aware she has never directly been in battle and has absolutely never worn armor. Also, she was not a fan of Feanor as he killed other elves in a quest of vengeance. Her character was one of beauty, strength, serenity and knowledge over rashness. Which is why the picture below is not her but a cruel impression by those of little want or care."
Tolkien Society To Feature Paper Titled "J.R.R. Tolkien, Culture Warrior: The Alt-Right Religious Crusade's Appropriation of 'Tolkien'" At Oxonmoot 2022 - "Hot off their Summer Seminar 2021 where they put the focus on “Tolkien and Diversity,” The Tolkien Society will now feature a paper at their upcoming Oxonmoot event claiming there is an alt-right religious crusade to appropriate J.R.R. Tolkien... they will feature a talk or paper by Robin Reid, a professor at Texas A&M University-Commerce, titled “J.R.R. Tolkien, Culture Warrior: The Alt-Right Religious Crusade’s appropriation of ‘Tolkien.'” While it’s unclear what the actual contents of the paper or talk actually are, the title makes it very clear it appears to be a political piece and will more than likely highlight Robin Reid’s political views rather than any kind of actual discussion about Tolkien. And this type of discussion is no stranger to Reid as she previously gave a talk during the New York Tolkien Conference at Baruch College titled “Atheists, Agnostics, and Animists, Oh My!: Secular Readings of J.R.R. Tolkien’s Legendarium” back in 2019. Regardless of the contents of Reid’s talk or paper are, Tolkien made it very clear that The Lord of the Rings were a Catholic work... It’s hard to imagine any kind of argument made by Robin Reid that would have any validity about Tolkien being appropriated. I’m sure she will find it a way, but as Tolkien wrote to his son Christopher in letter 64, “evil labours with vast power and perpetual success – in vain: preparing always only the soil for unexpected good to sprout in.”"
The Tolkien Society goes full woke, bows to the will of Sauron in unbelievable new summer seminar - "Gondor in Transition: A Brief Introduction to Transgender Realities in The Lord of the Rings...
The Problematic Perimeters of Elrond Half-elven and Ronald English-Catholic
Hearkening to the Other: Athrabeth Finrod ah Andreth
The Invisible Other: Tolkien's Dwarf-Women and the ‘Feminine Lack'
Desire of the Ring: An Indian Academic's Adventures in her Quest for the Perilous Realm
Queer Atheists, Agnostics, and Animists, Oh, My!
Hidden Visions: Iconographies of Alterity in Soviet Bloc Illustrations for The Lord of the Rings
Questions of Caste in The Lord of the Rings and its Multiple Chinese Translations
Stars Less Strange: An Analysis of Fanfiction and Representation within the Tolkien Fan Community
"Something Mighty Queer": Destabilizing Cishetero Amatonormativity in the Works of Tolkien
Translation as a means of representation and diversity in Tolkien's scholarship and fandom...
And what the heck is with "Pardoning Saruman?: The Queer in Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings"?... Don't even get me started on "Projecting Indian Myths, Culture and History onto Tolkien's Worlds." Is this a way to grapple with the fact that Tolkien drew largely from Nordic, Germanic, Celtic, and other European lore? Is that too yucky for the mucks at the Tolkien Society??"
‘The Rings Of Power’ Is Making A Mockery Of Tolkien’s Work - "This Lord of the Rings adaptation would cut between these various, largely unconnected storylines that have virtually nothing to do with the original source material at a breakneck pace. Rather than spend time developing any of these characters or establishing a sense of adventure or camaraderie, the script would ensure that they all bicker endlessly with one another, and trick and deceive each other at every opportunity, all to be edgy and grimdark, because let’s face it: Nothing says ‘Tolkien’ like edgy and grimdark. Mostly, Littlefinger’s Magical Teleportation Ring would get them all from one place to the next without bothering with such antiquated notions as ‘travel’ (baby, we’re in the 21st century now, we fast travel). Thankfully, it would all be dressed up in pretty costumes and a rousing score and would imitate the aesthetics of Peter Jackson’s original film adaptations enough that we could describe the whole thing as ‘Tolkienesque’ and call it a day. And somehow, I’d wager, there would be a massive pop culture war over whether or not this was an okay adaptation, whether the real problem was having some black Hobbits in it, and why anyone complaining was just a toxic fan who cares about “the lore.”... I wanted to point out here just how un-Tolkien-like the storytelling itself is... The Lord Of The Rings builds slowly around a small group of characters. It takes its time and carefully establishes its world and people. Much of its earlier chapters are spent on various charming friendships, or encounters with ethereal elves who sing into the night. Only much later are the characters separated or do we hear the drums of war. In adapting appendices there’s clearly more work to be done getting from notes to narrative, as it were, but this doesn’t even feel like Tolkien fan-fiction. It’s not so much that Amazon has fiddled with the lore, it’s that the show’s writers and creators have told a story that simply wears the trappings of Middle-earth without understanding its thematic core, let alone even attempting to take a crack at Tolkien’s storytelling style. Peter Jackson’s films were not perfect and lord knows I had my issues with them when they came out, but at least it was obvious that he was trying to adapt Tolkien’s works as faithfully as possible (the same cannot be said for The Hobbit). Changes had to be made, for better or worse, but Jackson still did a mostly excellent job at translating page to screen. What we have now with The Rings Of Power barely even resembles Middle-earth. It’s just a generic Hollywood fantasy created by people who badly misunderstands its source material and don’t seem to give a damn. Maybe that’s what’s begun irking me so badly. The show isn’t just straying from Tolkien’s lore; rather, its creators seem to think they know better, that they can do whatever they please with the source material, or that by ignoring it they can improve upon it somehow. There’s a certain degree of arrogance at play in the liberties they’ve taken that I find both insulting and unearned. But even as generic fantasy, utterly divorced from any whiff of Middle-earth, this is not good. Even if you stripped Tolkien and his characters and world from this entirely and called Galadriel by a new name and made up a new villain entirely, this would be badly paced, unpleasant gobbledygook with few characters to care about or root for and a plot that feels rushed and slow at the same time. (Since no mention of Rings has been made yet, it would actually be quite easy to just insert new character and place names and turn this into a generic fantasy, and it would still be pretty awful). It lacks the bones of a good story, for one thing. What is the spark that motivates our heroes to action?... while it seemed Bronwyn and Arondir might be off on their own grand adventure after the frightening appearance of a single, scary orc, what we’ve gotten instead is a sorry excuse for a Helm’s Deep knockoff, as a group of unpleasant villagers sits around waiting for an army of orcs to attack. (And don’t even get me started on how this massive army of orcs has gone unnoticed this whole time, despite Galadriel relentlessly pursuing Sauron for centuries—when she could have simply gone to the Hall of Law in Númenor and used their Reverse Image Search tool to find out everything she needed to know!)... Hats off to the production values of the orcs in particular. The orcs are so good, you basically can’t help but root for them! (And I’m not even kidding)."