"I like an escalator because an escalator can never break, it can only become stairs. There would never be an escalator temporarily out of order sign, only an escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience." - Mitch Hedberg

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Quotes:

Pour se détendre... [Me: J'étudie français... ensuite j'ai la stress beaucoup]

How do you know my age? [Me: *points to class register*... Have you heard of the Christmas Cake Theory?...] *annoyed noise* [Me: It's okay. I see a ring.] *annoyed noise*

[On Tom Bombadil] Thank god they didn't show him in the movie, or I'd have died

[On Business Studies] I chose marketing, because you can say whatever you want

[On her babydoll fringe] I went for a talk with International Students and the woman asked, "Is anyone from China?" And she looked at me.

[On 'les deux hommes ont ouvert ses jambes'] At least you're studying beyond the book. [Me: Yeah. Sometimes I sexually harass my friend by sending her French pickup lines.]

[You do something] Avec ton ami, ton frère? [Student: Avec ton frère] You know my brother?

Singapore is a modern country. However there're still things which are very different in France or in Europe... Politically incorrect to put a picture in your resume... No name in your resume, it's just a number... Maybe if I carry African name, there're some people who don't like?... Maybe one day it will come [to Singapore] (have an, won't)

[On Singapore] If you compare with the countries around [the region], yes it's modern. If you compare with other countries it is not modern.

[On speed personality tests with questions asking the same thing in different ways] Your level of genuity (honesty)

Responsable de l'accueil! Pas manager. 'I'm the manager of the reception' 'Wow, how many people?' 'Me only'

[On some people in Singapore] La carte... 'President'. 'Wow!' 'How many people?' 'I'm by myself' (I don't employ anyone)

French people are lazy. I don't exaggerate... Le système en france... Le boulanger. You can make a good living.

Audacieux... some people really go to the edge of what is permitted... When you send your resume to a big company there are many resumes... They send a resume which is pale blue, so in the pile you see a blue line... People who send paper that is not A4. It doesn't fit in the pile... They try everything to be noticed. Some people send musical letters. When you open, 'wah wah wah'

'Vous voulez quoi'? 'You want what'?

Where can you not drink wine? [Student: In the train, in the church]

Elle a eu un an d'anglais à l'école mais elle ne peut pas dire un mot. She studied English for a year at school but she cannot speak a single word. Which is very likely, when you study Engish in France... [Me: At least we can speak a word of French] Very often it's English phobia. You do not want to learn English in France.

He reinstalled the Olympic Games (revived)

All the Latin countries. In Spain they do not want to speak English. In Latin America. In Africa... It was in Bei'gin. The conference was in Chinese and English... All the African delegation[s], being able to speak French but not English, they left. (Beijing)

[On the Olympics] Some countries, they are poor... Tell them: 'Get set, go!' 'Huh? Quoi?'

[On the Youth Olympics] They have to find people who speak French. It is extremely difficult. In August, all the French people are on vacation

[On homework] Pas panique. Some people are empty already.

[On 'oui, je l'ai mangée'] If it is femminin, even if it is avoir, you must add the extra e. [Student: *sotto voce* What the fuck] [Student 2: I knew that was coming]

I foe'cues on the second part (focus)

Comment réussir un interview: un entretien, pardon.

They learn by heart certain expressions, and they say it during the interview... C'est bizarre... Et n'est pas naturel.

If you want to be a manager in France, good luck. A lot of people don't want... it's very hard to move the immovable... [Student: Communist] N'est pas communist... People still shout at the boss... Manage what is unmanageable... They went to bomb the factory, because the trade union find, the agreement is not respected. They already destroyed half of the factory (them, found, was)

In the South of France, à Marseilles, people like to strike for the sake of striking. People find an excuse to strike.

11 or 12 years ago... CISCO. The people who guard the vans went on strike. Within 4 months, people attacked the vans with the bazooka... The people wanted more money... 2 vans. People won't know which one to shoot... Or they shoot both vans... You will explode with the van. They don't find you anymore, they find pieces of you... très violent... Les gangsters... They don't have a knife. They have a rifle. (a)

[On the Paris metro] The gang. They attack you at 1am... They have to find someone to kill. They [the drivers] go on strike. they want more protection. You have to pay the guard... They are wrong or they are right? [are they]

In Singapore, many times I hear people say 'ooh lala'. They sound ridiculous... Oh là là.

Qu'est-ce que c'est - 'ne quittes pas!' *claps hands* [Me: 'Don't dump me']

[On the test] I count on you to come. Not to skip it. Even if you fail, which is not possible, even if you fail, you can still continue.

[On the test] You have an oral. [Student: 1-by-1?] 3-by-3.

[On a test] I prepared a class of 12. Only 3 came. All the 3 didn't know about it. The next week, everyone came. 'I was sick'

Tu joues dans le film?... [Student: J'en fais beaucoup] Tu révé.

[Student: J'aime beaucoup de travail, mais je déteste -] Tu détestes des vacances?

Ever been to France before? [Student: Airport...] The most miserable airport you can imagine in the world.

Don't say 'je fesse' because that is 'my bottom'

[Me: Je veux lire du livre de Jean-Jacques Rousseau] En français? [Me: Oui] Bravo. That is hard, even for me.

Test is unpredictable. [It] Can be anytime. Don't think: 'Today there is a test. I will come late'. It can be at 9:45 [Ed: the class ends at 9:30] *laughs from class* You will not be laughing next time. (A)

How do you say 'rest' in Frence? [Me: Coucher?] Coucher is to have sex.

Tell me what you did during the last holiday. If you didn't do anything, you can lie. I don't care... It's not necessary to copy the sentences in lesson 19. I know them by heart.

You want a break now or a break later? Or no break? [Student: Not very French right] Ah ah!

[On grammar] This is like the rules in Singapore. Don't think, just apply.

[On grammar] The instructor is not a transvestite or bisexual.

Beaucoup. Not boo'koh. Boo'koh is a nice bottom.

[Me: Why is it chercheur and not rechercheur?] I don't know.

In case there are mistakes, one of you will do a striptease... [Student: There's only 1 person they want to see] [Only female: There's nothing to see, really] (if)

How much do you understand? [Student: Soixante pourcent.] [Student 2: Souxante pourcent. [Student 3: Moi aussi] [Me: Soixante-onze pourcent] C'est exact! [Me: Je suis statisticien]

I am pleased to inform you that in a few weeks you will have a test. A real one. 3 hours. [Student: Are you serious?] The teacher is always serious. Otherwise it will be unprofessional... Vous aurez une torture individuelle... If I have a camera now to take the picture (had, a)

'Pourquoi est-ce qu'elle est fatiguée?' [Me: Parce qu'elle a couché à ses amis.] Avec ses amis. [Student: Yuck] Autres raisons? *silence* Everyone wrote the same.

Tu as voyagé seul? [Student: Non] Jamais? [Student: I'm too young]

Tu préferes voyager organisation ou non-organisation? [Me: Non-organisation] Pourquoi? [Me: Je déteste {les} singapouriens... Autres choses? [Me: Ils sont kiasu] Shit, I don't know how to say that in French.

[Me on why Singaporeans like Bangkok: Les femmes sont belles] [Female student:] Les femmes [à singapour] sont belles aussi.

Le cheval... Le lapin. [Student: Yucks] Sorry, but the Chinese eat everything, okay. [Student: In China]

Tu n'est pas végétarien?... [Student: Carnivore] [Student 2: Carnivore] [Me: Omnivore] C'est précis

En france, a certain percentage mange cheval. Pourquoi? [Student: Le beaucoup {de} cheval.] *laughs from students* You stupid lah!... La personne beaucoup de cholestérol. Ne mange du bœuf... Mange le cheval. (Il y a)

Autre réponses? Everyone wrote the same. Fantastique.

[On a listening exercise] Petite dick? Vraiment. Really.

[On Cannes] C'est très très cher... Un café, soixante dollars.

[Student transforming 'on a mange' to past tense: On a se mangé.] You were eaten by cannibals.

Australie?... Masculin? Feminin? Unisexuel? Travesti?

The most important countries in Europe are female. [Student: Important? How do you know what's important?] Is Morrocco big? Is Vatican [City] big? [Student: Vatican? Where's that?]

Pas de logique. Bag. Should be female. It's male. Car. Should be male. It's female... Russian, it's even worse. Masculin, feminin. Et neutre.

[On L'Académie française] If you want to become one of these guys, you have to - how do I say - wait for one of them to die.

[On the second person singular losing the e in l'imperatif] C'est stupide. C'est ridicule. C'est absurde. Mais c'est français. Sorry... Stupidement, ridiculement, français.

Autres choses? Everyone wrote the same thing. Pouvoir la télépathie.

[Me on les conseils donnés aux vacanciers: Ne vous habillez pas à l'extérieur. Habillez vous dans votre chambre.] So you go naked in the streets.

[On someone writing about 'Luc'] Le personne qui parle est un homme ou une femme? [Me: Pas différent]... It depends on your sexual orientation. 'Luc'. She is in love with him. Probablement, c'est une femme.

Où restes tu, en vacances?... [Me: à les rues] Dans les rues.

[On a mistake] Non! Non! Non! [Student: I'm fine. Don't worry about me]

[Student: You're not teaching the next class right?] Unfortunately for you, I think I will continue. You are so unlucky, no?

What happened to you last week? [Student: Err, my girlfriend's birthday]... Merci. [Student: No choice]

[Student: Je me suis réveillée à six heures et demie.] Pour faire l'exercises français?

You look stressed [Student: Okay] I should take a photo of you... If you make a mistake, I [will] just scold you.

[Me: Je me suis reposé] Dans le bureau? [Me: Dans les toilettes] Combien de temps? [Me: Cinq minutes.]

Comment est-ce que vous partez en vacances? [Me: à pied] You will go very far.

[Student on survey results: Ils préfèrent la campagne et détestent - autres] *silence* C'est possible.

99 person't of the time (percent)

[Student on l'imparfait: Isn't yesterday in the past?] Yes. Don't- [Student 2: Think] *whisper* Just apply. Be a good Singaporean. [Student 2: Basket] Shut up.

'Ne vous achetez pas trop de choses.' How do you say [therefore,] give me your money.

[Teacher: Vous préferez partir à Singapour ou à l'étranger pendant vos vacances?] à Singapour! [Teacher: à Tampines?] à ma maison

[On the relief teacher] Her English is worse than my French.

Je déteste dormir mais j'aime coucher.

[Teacher: I want to know why you decided to study French, and not Spanish, or Italian.] Sounds nice

My husband's French. [Teacher: So no choice] So no choice.

[Teacher: Tu fais du sport?... C'est tout?] Huh? [Teacher: C'est tout?] I didn't come last week.

[Teacher: Quelles sont tes loisirs préférer?...] Étudier.

[On his weekend] Coucher. That's correct.

[Teacher on 'en': Tu bois du café?] It's easier to say yes.

[Teacher on vegetables eaten: Autres choses?] Lemon. [Student 2: Kiam cai]

Nous quittons notre appartement; il est trop buyant et très grand. [Teacher: C'est possible. Je préfér] Il est pas assez bruyant.

[Teacher: Any suggestions for the test?] Something simple

[Teacher: Is that alcohol?] I need it for your class.