"If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?" - Abraham Lincoln
***
GRANDPA: (to Dwayne) Can I give you some advice?
I'll do it anyway. I don't want you making the same mistakes I did when I was young...
This is the voice of experience talking. Are you listening?
Kid: Fuck a lot of women. Not just one woman. A lot of women. You're young...
Jesus! You're, what? Fifteen? You should be gettin' that young stuff. There's nothing in the world better than the young stuff!...
Look: right now, you're jailbait, they're jailbait. So it's fine. The minute you
turn eighteen — Bam! You're lookin' at three to five...
Fuck you! I lived 80 years! You're like those fuckers at Sunset Village...!
FRANK: What happened at Sunset Village?...
GRANDPA: I'll tell you what happened! I pay my money, they let me in. I should be able to do what the fuck I want!
SHERYL: He started snorting heroin.
FRANK: You started snorting heroin?!
GRANDPA: I'm eighty!
FRANK: You know, that stuff'll kill you.
GRANDPA: What am I, an idiot?
(to Dwayne) And don't you get ideas. When you're young, you're crazy to do that shit.
FRANK: What about you?
GRANDPA: Me?! I'm old! You get to be my age -- you're crazy not to do it...
FRANK: So I take it you didn't like it at Sunset Village?...
GRANDPA: (to Frank) Hey, listen: I know you're a homo, but... You go to one of these places? There's four women for every guy. What does that say to you?
FRANK: You must've been pretty busy.
GRANDPA: Oh, man. They were knockin' on my door day and night! It was almost too much! If I didn't have those little fuckin' blue pills... Forget about it!...
(to Dwayne) Fuck a lot of women, kid. I got no reason to lie to you. Not just one woman. A lot of women.
***
RICHARD: And I can detect that note of sarcasm, Frank...
FRANK: What sarcasm?!
RICHARD: ...But I just want you to know — I feel sorry for you.
FRANK: You do? Good.
RICHARD: Because sarcasm is the refuge of losers.
FRANK: It is?! Really?!
RICHARD: Sarcasm is just the sour grapes of losers trying to pull winners down to their level. That's one of the lessons of Step Four.
FRANK: Wow, Richard! You've really opened my eyes to what a loser I am! Say, how much
do I owe you for those pearls of wisdom?
RICHARD: It's on me, buddy. It's on me.