"I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out." - Steven Wright

***

From MDA's Free-to-Air Television Programme Code (which is surprisingly comprehensive, touching on Reality TV and gender-based [as admirably distinguished from sexist] jokes as well):

Programmes should not undermine public security interest or public confidence in the law and its enforcement in Singapore.
I'm guessing this is why Crimewatch doesn't tell you when the police cocked up, and why we'll never see Mas Selamat's escape and subsequent capture by the Malaysians on TV

Programmes on crime and violence should not be treated in a cynical, frivolous or
callous manner.
Presumably this rules out sociological studies investigations of crime which question the police and legal system

Television programmes should not:
(a) promote values and attitudes which are contrary to national interest
(c) contain propagandist and ideological messages on behalf of any foreign country, group or organisation
By implication, containing propagandist and ideological messages on behalf of any local country is alright. And local groups and organisations can be censured under whatever is "contrary to national interest".

Television programmes should not:
(e) sensationalise the treatment of any issue whether local, nationalistic or foreign in nature.
I'm not sure what a non-local and non-foreign "nationalistic" issue might be

Broadcasters must ensure that due impartiality is observed in programmes dealing with matters of public policy or controversial issues of public importance in Singapore. Due impartiality requires programme producers to deal even-handedly when opposing points of view are presented in a programme. On matters of public importance, balance should be sought through the presentation, as far as possible, of principal relevant viewpoints.
Strangely, whenever the News announces some new public policy from the government, they don't get opposing points of view. Perhaps because that would be "contrary to national interest".

Broadcasters must bear in mind the main religious faiths practised in Singapore whenever they carry programmes which make reference to or touch upon religious views or beliefs.
Apparently the minor religious faiths can be ignored.

Information, themes or subplots on lifestyles such as homosexuality, lesbianism, bisexualism, transsexualism, transvestism, paedophilia and incest should be treated with utmost caution. Their treatment should not in any way promote, justify or glamorise such lifestyles. Explicit depictions of the above should not be broadcast...
Programmes should not make careless references to any class or group of persons as being inherently inferior.
SPOING!

Kissing in Malay programmes should be avoided.
???????????????????????????????????????

Bare buttocks can be shown in a non-sexual context, but should not be sexually suggestive or exploitative.
Hurr hurr

Broadcasters must take into account the potential cumulative effect of programme content containing violence and crime, as regular and recurrent portrayals of such content may lead viewers to... overestimate the level of violence and crime in the real world.
I thought Low Crime doesn't mean No Crime?

Broadcasters must take into account the potential cumulative effect of programme content normalising anti-social behaviour or gambling, as regular and recurrent portrayals of such content may lead viewers to become more callous about anti-social behaviour or the ills of gambling.
Evidently they haven't updated this since the Casinos were okay-ed.

PART 9: HORROR, SUPERNATURAL, FORTUNE TELLING & OTHER BELIEFS
Belief in superstition should not be promoted.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

All Chinese programmes, except operas or other programmes specifically approved by the Authority, must be in Mandarin... Some dialect terms such as those used for food (e.g. bak kut teh, char kway teow and ang gu kuey) may also be used in local dramas.
..........................................

Broadcasters should not employ the process known as "subliminal perception" or any other techniques or devices (e.g. by using images of very brief duration) which attempts to convey information to the viewer by transmitting messages
beyond the normal threshold of awareness.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

For any broadcast on demonstration of hypnotism for entertainment, care must be taken to minimise the risk of hypnosis being induced in susceptible viewers. In particular, the hypnotist must not be shown performing straight into the camera.
Ditto.


The part on Singlish deserves a section by itself:

Programmes should maintain high standards of language and speech in the four official languages of Singapore.

Standard English, which is grammatically correct, should be used for programmes such as news, current affairs and info-educational programmes. Local English, which is also grammatically correct but pronounced with a Singaporean accent and which may include local terms and expressions, could be used for programmes like dramas, comedies and variety shows.

Apparently "Standard English" prescribes a non-Singaporean accent. This explains the odd accents of all our newscasters.

Singlish, which is ungrammatical local English, and includes dialect terms and sentence structures based on dialect, should not be encouraged and can only be permitted in interviews, where the interviewee speaks only Singlish. The interviewer himself, however, should not use Singlish.

Presumably including Mandarin and Malay terms in your speech does not make it Singlish.