"The difference between a democracy and a dictatorship is that in a democracy you vote first and take orders later; in a dictatorship you don't have to waste your time voting." - Charles Bukowski

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"Federal Agents Raid Gun Shop, Find Weapons"


"Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25"


"County to pay $250,000 to advertise lack of funds"


"Get 50% off or half price, whichever is less."


"One-armed man applauds the kindness of strangers"


"What constitutes a millionaire?"
"A millionaire is someone who has $1 million"


"Caskets found as workers demolish mausoleum"


"A deputy responded to a report of a vehicle stopping at mail boxes. It was the mailman."


"Utah Poison Control Center reminds everyone not to take poison"


"Police: Crack Found in Man's Buttocks"


"A caller reported... someone was on a porch yelling "help"... the person was calling a cat that is named "Help.""


"Police were called... about a "suspicious coin." Investigating officer reported it was a quarter."


"A woman... reported that someone must have stolen her mail, because she did not receive birthday cards from some of her friends."


"Police receive a report of a newborn infant found in a tash can. Upon investigation, officers discover it was only a burrito."


"1995 NISSAN Maxima, green, leather, loaded, CD, auto start, sunroof, 4-door, good condition, $4500. Not for sale."


"Police checked the area and found an open door in the back of the building. An officer went inside and called out, "Marco."
The man's name was not Marco... "the officer was trying to inject some humor into the situation."
Police found the suspect after he responded, "Polo.""


"TOMBSTONE: Standard gray. A good buy for someone named Grady"