"Nothing shocks me. I'm a scientist." - Harrison Ford, as Indiana Jones

***

Quotes:

[On her facial allergic reaction] It started in November. [Me: No wonder you haven't been posting photos since then.]

[On her flavoured condoms] You should try the mint one. [Me: What do you want me to do? Put it on my finger and- *mimes*]

I really can't recognise you. [Me: Sometimes I can't recognise myself]

How do females have oral sex without getting STDs? [Me: Dental Dam. *Demonstrates*] *Screams*

[On the reason for flavoured condoms] I never knew people gave oral sex with condoms on. I'm blown away by it.

If you were a boy you could bunk with me... [Someone else on declining even if he'd been open to it: I'm tired of sharing beds]... You're not sharing my bed.

Go and try you-duhs, not bad. (Udders)

[On Slumdog Millionaire] The gameshow host proves what your friend said about asking for directions in India... Even Indians have told me that

I told you about Jailbird's Valentine's Day plan right (Jailbait)

What did you do during NS? [Me: Suffer]

[To several girls at different times] Honesty is the greatest gift I can give you.

[On a dead goldfish being eaten by other fish] Oh my god, his eyeball is eaten out already. [Someone: That's why people like to eat the eyeball.]

Natalie, the one with a blog. [Someone: A lot of people have a blog] Yeah, the one with a blog... [Someone: The one who stage manages in a cheongsam]

How did she meet her husband? [Me: Myspace] [Someone: Better than Lucky Plaza]

Ask him to wake up at 4am and- [Someone: '放风筝' {Ed: Fly someone's kite}] [Someone else: It sounds nicer in Chinese]

[On a C-cup girl in a group phoot] The face very big right? [Someone else: Not just the face]

So if your dog mauls another dog, you pay [Someone: Yeah lah.] So it's like car insurance.

[Attached girl on Lohei] 快点结婚 [Ed: Get married quickly]

[On someone who delivered 2.5 years ago] Is she the pregnant girl?

What's she doing at IRAS? [Someone: Working lah]

[Me: Suria] What does it mean in Malay? [Someone: TV 3]

[On steamboar fishing net and induction cookier] XXX, can you hold it? Otherwise it'll vibrate. [Someone: Does it massage also?]

[On Committee of Supply] You guys are not on Standby? [Someone: What, in case of riots?]

I'm going for a Brazilian later. You're the only guy I feel comfortable telling.

[Teacher: Est étudiante?] I am a pigeon?

[Student on a + la -> en: You don't say 'Allah'.] No, never. You can, but it's wrong.

learn friend language (a foreign)

Idealistically I wake you up in the morning, 2 o'clock. Est sympa?... It's in you. (ideally)

Mas Selamat, il est sympa?

[Student: Il est étudiante.] He's half a man.

I knew a French guy... In Houston, we went to the supermarket together... Very strong French accent... He was looking [at] items, he said to the lady: "Allo, do you have ah'mer?... Your supermarket, you don't have ah'mer? It's incredible"... In French you never pronounce the H... He was looking for ham.

[On NTU professors] They tell me... Some Singaporean students who are good at calculation, they are not good at imagination. They often say Singaporean students have no imagination... In France, the teacher have to develop the imagination of the children... Psychologists have done studies of the children... It's not because I'm in a good mood, or I'm the Minister of Education... It has been proven in a lot of studies... If you don't develop it when you are small, you cannot catch up. That is why the school in France push children to develop their imagination (has, schools, imaginations)

[On learning languages] If you are very certain, and you think this is this, it's not possible... Many vocabulary, you will never find in the dictionary

I try to give you advices (advice)

Claudia habite à Vienne en Ostrich (Autriche)

[Teacher on Fred Vargas: It's from Portugal] That's a man's name. [Me: Not in Portugal]

[On being a Public, not Civil servant] Ministries versus stat boards. And I don't get discounts at Aloha.

Singaporean girls dress better than Malaysian girls, in general.

Ça va bien? Très bien. Let's stay positive, otherwise, it is not very nice... Bien; bien, merci; oui; merci; fantastique; super

[On 'tu as'] Next week I will hear 'Tuas'

[Student: If it's a couple: one man, one woman, what do you call them?] I'm sorry, it's like the Chinese. So unfair. Voisins.

If you understand everything at one shot, in your life, you'll have nothing to do.

Les parents et leur enfant. How many parents? [Me: At least 2... France is a very liberal place]

You tend to, and it is natural, to improve in your own language when you learn a foreign language. Because you make comparisons.

When I first came to Singapore, I was impressed that people in Singapore could remember the phone numbers at the first try. In France, no one can do it... They have 10 digits all the time... They have a length limit. After a certain number, you don't make the effort anymore.