"I have noticed that the people who are late are often so much jollier than the people who have to wait for them." - E. V. Lucas

***

Naked photos taken during job interview - "He answered an advertisement to be a guest relation officer. Instead, David (not his real name) was photographed naked as part of an interview to be a gigolo. The 28-year-old salesman from here said he had telephoned a man called “Uncle Simon” because he needed a better paying job as he wanted to plan for his future."

Church hits out after nine-year-old's abortion - "Brazil's influential Catholic Church has raged against an abortion carried out on a nine-year-old girl who had been pregnant with twins after allegedly being raped by her stepfather. An archbishop for the northern region where the termination was conducted, Father Jose Cardoso Sobrinho, told reporters the church was excommunicating all those responsible for the abortion: the medical team and the girl's mother. The operation - carried out on Wednesday because of doctors' fears the slender girl might die if she carried the foetuses to term - was a crime in the eyes of the church, he said."

Topless Carwash - SET Singapore - "In celebration of International Women's Day, we bring you Sony Entertainment Television's TOPLESS CARWASH !... Absolutely free of charge for all lady drivers only."
GAH

French say they need biggest condoms - "The study by the Singen-based Institute of Condom Consultancy was done by asking 10,500 men in 25 countries to measure their penis and enter the number into a database. The results show Frenchmen on average claim to need 15.48-cm (6.09-inch) long condoms, about 3 cm longer than Greeks, whose condom-size requirement was the most modest... He did not want to comment on how honest he thought the Frenchmen had been in reporting the data."

Car-B-Que - Weird News Story Archive - "A South African inventor says he has the ideal solution to the recent surge in carjackings in the country. Charles Fourie’s “Blaster” device mounts on the undercarriage of the car. If a thief threatens, the driver can press a foot switch and activate flamethrowers which shoot fire out both sides of the car, roasting the carjacker where he stands. Fourie, who says he has already installed 25 Blasters, promises robbers “will never get your car.” Johannesburg Police Superintendent David Walkley has proclaimed the Blaster legal, and has had it installed on his own car."

88-year-old woman puts the squeeze on intruder - "An 88-year-old woman living in Oregon grabbed and squeezed the crotch of a naked man who had broken into her home, causing enough pain to force the would-be burglar to flee. The man, identified as Michael Gordon Dick (not a joke), was later captured by police and charged with attempted burglary, harassment and private indecency, according to media reports Wednesday."

Long Island doctor Richard Batista to estranged wife: Give me my kidney back or $1.5M - "Batista charged his wife, Dawnell, repaid his gesture by first sleeping with her physical therapist - and then denying him access to their three kids in an increasingly bitter divorce... "She slapped me with divorce papers when I was in surgery trying to save another person's life," he fumed."
If we use an ungendered version of divorce logic, she owes him a lot more than that.
Aside: that was truly a physical therapist

What would a real life Barbie look like? - ""People keep repeating this suggestion that Barbie would fall over and have to crawl around if she was real size, but it's just not the case," says Moira Redmond, writer and Barbie fan. "I find this suggestion more misogynistic than anything Barbie is accused of standing for. It's a nasty, sexual image. "I've done my own calculations and she definitely doesn't have the dimensions of most people, but they are no means grossly abnormal. I'm sure the measurements of baby dolls aren't accurate but no one criticises them."... "It's empowering for women to be who they want to be and not just live with the body and face they were born with.""
Interestingly one commenter seizes upon the same point as The Onion; I'm a misogynist, you're a misogynist - we're all misogynists.

Organic vs Local? Who Cares. Neither is Sustainable. - "While dreams of our future food system may rely on the romantic image of local farmers, the reality is: this model can't do what we need it to do, that is, feed billions of people... If we want to get rid of fertilizers and use cover crops and other alternative farming methods, we would need 2-3 times the amount of farmland currently available - which means knocking down more rainforests and taking over more land for farms... [Perhaps] sustainable food production is inherently unsustainable"

Having Cellmate Means Woman Loses Alimony - "In a very literal reading of a divorce agreement, a Florida appeals court has ruled that a woman can no longer receive alimony from her ex-husband because of her “cohabitation” with another person in a prison cell."

Sarcasm useful in diagnosing dementia - "Sarcasm may be the lowest form of wit, but Australian scientists are using it to diagnose dementia, according to research published on Friday. Researchers at the University of New South Wales found that patients under the age of 65 suffering from frontotemporal dementia (FTD), the second most common form of dementia, cannot detect when someone is being sarcastic."

Chicago DUI Lawyers Warn: Sleeping In Your Car Can Lead To A DUI Arrest - Driving Under the Influence of Alcohol - "A state delegate who once proposed “DUI” license plates for drunken drivers has been convicted of a drunken-driving charge. Democratic Delegate Herman Taylor of Montgomery County (Maryland) was found guilty of driving while impaired by alcohol and fined $250... Remember, you do not have to be “driving” to get arrested for a DUI in Illinois. Illinois only requires that you are in “actual physical control” of a motor vehicle to be arrested for DUI. If you feel that you have had too much to drink and are thinking about sleeping it off in your car, you can still be arrested for DUI if, for example, you have the keys in the ignition or if you are in the driver’s seat with the keys in your hand."

Singapore Parliament Reports System, 9th Parliament, 2nd Session, Volume 71 (24 Nov 1999) (RULE OF LAW) cols. 570-571, edited excerpts - "Mr Jeyaretnam: I must now proceed …to list what I see to be the instances or examples of the violation of this fundamental principle of the Rule of Law in Singapore. The first on my list is…the arrest and detention of persons without trial purely on the arbitrary power... The second is the arrest by police officers and other law enforcement officers without informing the subject of the charge... Thirdly, the denial of the right to counsel - denial of the right of arrested persons to counsel and to visits from families for a period of time. Fourthly, there is the denial of bail by the courts even without adequate reasons... Then the one which we the Opposition have often raised…the denial of the freedom of speech and assembly (including freedom of the press). That violates the Rule of Law.Sixthly, denial of reasons for executive decisions and shutting out appeals to the courts… Seventhly, the restrictions on the right to travel in Singapore, the impounding of passports without an order of court… Then we have the eighth on the list - the power given to the Housing and Development Board to throw out lessees or tenants without having to take them to court"
Someone: it's really true how they say JBJ often gets bullied in parliament
and he fights so hard for what he believes in
you can see he's almost like a don quixote
it's sad

Apology after prisoners' health info goes missing - "Health bosses have apologised after a memory stick containing patient information was lost at Preston Prison. An urgent investigation was launched after the USB data stick – with the password attached to it on a memo note – went missing on Tuesday, December 30."

YouTube - The Story Of Ricky Nutcracker Trailer