***
"Ugly Barmaid Wanted"
"Why would you want an ugly barmaid?"
"When they start to hit on her, she knows to cut them off"
"I'm having woman problems."
"A lot of people have trouble with Romance."
"Actually, I'm retaining water and I have a craving for chocolate."
"Success is the happy feeling you get between the time you do something and the time you tell a woman what you did."
"Well if i'm the red ship, why am i killing the red guys? Why am i killing off my own people? Shouldn't I be killing the blue guys? They are trying to kill me, after all. What's the deal with that?
I mean, imagine if it were a little white guy and a black guy, and the white guy is only allowed to kill white people, and the black guy is only allowed to kill black people.
What's the message here? That genocide is only okay as long as it isn't also a hate crime? And why are they trying to eradicate life of all colours anyway?
Why are we playing as little racist ships?"
"Wow, your head is going to EXPLODE when I show you the Resident Evil 5 demo."
"Happy African American Month!"
"I thought it was called Black History Month"
"Black is a term from the past. We've made progress since those days."
"How about real progress? Just call it February."
"Whoa! Be careful. That's a pitbull."
"You and your animal stereotypes. Not all pitbulls are vicious killers. Clearly this one is..."
*Chomp!* *Scratch!* *Rend!*
"One of those."
"Just... a little... rough play."
Addendum: This is from Secret Asian Man, which is no longer available online
"[On Othello] Papa, let's play! You be African American and I'll be of European Descent."
"*Wonder what overly sensitive weenie he learned that from?*"
Rat: Dude, what's that smell?
Pig: Oh, it's probably me. There's a drought, so I've stopped showering.
Rat: So what are you gonna do - just go aroudn smelling awful?!
Pig: Oh, no. No, silly. Every fifteen minutes, I rub 'Speed Stick' all over my face.
Rat: Dude.
Pig: Mmmmmmmm Feels goooooood.
Rat: I've decided to find all my enemies and tell them I forgive them.
Pig: Good for you, Rat... Why'd you decide to do that?
Rat: To give my vengeance the element of surprise.