"I have learned to use the word 'impossible' with the greatest caution." - Wernher von Braun

***

This is very similar to a piece of spam I got 3 years ago:

Subject: Re: Letter from Russia

Message:

Hello,

My name is Valentin. I am 26 years old and I live with my mother in small Russian town in Russian province.

My mother cannot see and her indemnity is not enough even for food.

Due to the deep crisis in our country recently I lost my job and our situation became very difficult. Now I found new job, I work very hard but I was told that this work will be only for a short time.

Prices for gas and electricity became very high in our region and we cannot use it for heating our home anymore.

I don't know what to do, because the winter is coming and the weather will be up to minus 30 degrees Celsius in the next month.

I finded several e-mail addreses and thanks to free internet access in our local library I decided to appeal to you for help.

If you have two sleeping bags, warm clothes, canned food, vitamins, medicines from cold, hygiene-products, I will be very grateful if you can send it to our address:

Valentin Mikhailin,
Ryleeva Ulitsa, 6-45.
Kaluga: 248030,
Russia.

If it easier for you to help with some money, please let me know and I will write you how to send it safe.
It will enable us to buy portable wood-burning stove made from cast iron and heat our home during the whole winter, becase we have
many wood in our region.

I hope to receive your answer. I also hope that this hard situation will get better very soon.

I send you best wishes from Russia.

Valentin.


Do note the similarities.

I was thinking of replying:

"Dear Valentin,

It's so nice to hear from you again after 3 years.

I am very sad that after 3 years and despite a period of record oil prices, your country is still in crisis. Perhaps you should not vote for Putin or his proxies in the next election.

Given that you survived a -25°C winter in 2005, -30°C is almost the same so I'm confident you will have no problems.

I have some potatoes in my kitchen and I am willing to send them to you so you can make some vodka to stay warm this winter, but I am afraid they will go bad while in transit.

PS: Given how many donations you have been receiving over the years, don't you already have the stove you need?"

Too bad I didn't keep/post the full letter last time.


Other weird spam:

Subject: A Realitionship is Like a Door

Message: Hi to you

To write a love letter we must begin without knowing what we intend to say,
and end without knowing what we have written...
Well what can I say? I'm open person with nothing to hide. I'm very, very loving
and I like other cultures. I love spending time at home watching DVD's and I
like cuddling up in front of the TV. I love holding hands and love to cook.
I hope I find someone who can show me how to have fun. I also hope one day to
start a family with that most special someone.
Take a look at me [URL]

Later
Olly K


This is weird because of the unusual level of thoughtfulness (for spam). Usually it's just "you're cute" or "let's hook up".

Maybe this is what distinguishes successful spammers from the rejects.


Lastly, I got one with only images (which I didn't load for fear of showing up on their "live addresses" tracker), but it was titled: "Flush out excess pounds from your colon"

If you have *that* much shit in your colon you need more help than mail order products can give you.