"Punctuality is the virtue of the bored." - Evelyn Waugh

***

The best way to kill yourself:


What You Need:

* 55 feet of bungee cord
* 50 feet of piano wire
* Tube of industrial-strength super glue
* Skyscraper

1. Take the express elevator to the top of the skyscraper.
2. Fasten one end of both the bungee cord and the piano wire to the ledge of the building.
3. Tie the other end of the bungee cord around your feet, and the piano wire around your neck.
4. Superglue both of your hands upon the top of your head.
5. Jump!

Upon reaching the end of the bungee cord, the piano wire will kick in and tear your head clean off. The bungee cord will retract, creating a sizable downward flush of blood from your neck upon the sidewalk below. Hazah! The superglue will also allow for your own head to be cradled within your hands. Quite a spectacle!

Tip: It's best to do this around 3pm on a weekday, because that's when all the schools let out.


There're a few versions floating around online, but this is from this forum thread.