Carol: I'd like to take advantage of our new family friendly policy.
Three of my kids have bronchitis, two have dental appointments, one is in a school play, and one has a rugby game.
In all likelihood, you will never see me again.
Pointy-haired boss (sotto voce on phone): We didn't think this through.
Dilbert: My company wants me to design a private moon shuttle in three months. Doom is inevitable.
Dogbert: What you need is a scapegoat to blame for the project never getting finished. I'll send one over.
Dilbert: *Gesturing to goat* I was almost done, and then this idiot comes along.
This one's so Monty Python.
Constitutional Scholar to a blind man on a 'Don't Walk' sign: Well, I think under our rights guaranteed by the 4th Amendment, the State can only make it a suggestion, not a command, so I say go ahead if you want.
"The short-lived experiment of a seeing eye constitutional scholar"
Signs: '"I don't get it." "What's that supposed to be?" "What the..."'
"Earl and Edna's favorite part of the Museum of Modern Art"
Kate: Giggle.
Danae: Woo-hoo!
Joe (reading newspapers): *THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMPA* *THUMP*
Joe: Kate... Danae... STOP HORSING AROUND!!
Kate, Danae and Lucy: *boggle*
Lucy: Did I just get profiled?
Kate: I... I think so.
Danae: Fortunately, I have the A.C.L.U on speed dial...
And one non-comic:
"Tracey says
(√2 + √8) is an irrational number
(√2 + √8)^2 = 18
I think that if yousquare an irrational number you always get a rational number
Tracey is wrong.
Use an example to show that Tracey is wrong.
'She's a woman'"
For some reason, this is funnier now than the previous time I saw it.