"It is the final proof of God's omnipotence that he need not exist in order to save us." - Peter De Vries

***

Quotes:

If you look at the SAF advertisements, the narrative is: 'If you're a woman, feel safe and be glad that your men are willing to die for you'

I think if you took away the narrative you're giving the museum visitors too much credit, that they'll go home and Wikipedia it. [Instructor: You're always great for a soundbite.]

[On the National Museum] Japanese prostitutes. Then there was a washbasin. There was nothing to connect [them]... They summed up the Japanese invasion with a bunch of bicycles... The Japanese Occupation was a bunch of bicycles. And a washbasin there.

I wanted say that Kobe Bryant was better [than Yao Ming] because black guys steal, run and shoot.

A lot of people ask me if you're bi. [Me: People used to think I was gay or asexual, so I guess that's an improvement.]

[On killing groups during presentations] I've to sacrifice at least one group. Otherwise I've to put up with 2 weeks of nonsense... [Student: I've already dug my grave] Deeply? For the whole group?

LDC country (LDC)

low-cost label (labour)

There will be a reduce foreign investment (reduction in)

create complementaries (complementarities)

importing finnish goods (finished)

an airpline in India polis (Indianapolis)

What do you want to be when you grow up?... [Student 2: I can grow? Sideways.]

[Me on NUS Tangs sale: The bras are all so padded.] I need the padding. Sorry.

[On the problem of omniscience, free will and God's not having definite foreknowledge of a free choice, open theism] Judas has a moment of conscience and goes: 'I can't betray Jesus'. We imagine God in Heaven going: 'Oh no. What do I do now?... Now Judas has screwed it all up. What do I do?... Judas needs to betray him.' He could, directly, override Judas's will. Make him betray Jesus to fulfil his plan... He couldn't hold Judas responsible anymore, for making that choice. He might even have to apologise to Judas... He only knew this as a probability... 'Whadday know, it's Murphy's Law'. God's saying to himself... He can't do that without overriding Judas's libertarian freedom.

Any questions? 10 more minutes [till we end]. [Me: Have you finished {marking} our midterms?] That was not the sort of question I had in mind... [Student: How are we looking?] I knew this was coming... Any relevant questions? [Student 2: I was going to ask if we could get it on Monday] Any relevant questions?

GE Moore famously had an argument for the existence of an external world. Premise 1: Here's a hand. Premise 2: Here's another hand. Therefore there is an external world. *student claps* *laughs from audience*

[On 'Shakespeare hates your emo shirts' being too popular] I have that one... I don't know where to wear it. [Student 2: You wear it to lit.] That's when everybody wears it.

What did you say? [Female student: I'm ponning {Translation: skipping class}] I heard 'I'm horny'.

I'm very disappointed. In dance, most male dancers are straight. [Me: Maybe it's because they screw the female dancers.] Yeah, maybe. [Me: Maybe you can convert a straight guy.]... That's every gay guy's dream.

He asks bullshit questions. [Me: They're not bullshit. Just because you don't understand them doesn't mean they're bullshit.]

[On a class's composition] It's IIs, CCs and baffled Singaporeans.

[Me to someone bemoaning the lack of ability: Your comparative advantage lies elsewhere.] So politically correct put. [Me: I said 'Your comparative advantage lies elsewhere', not 'Your absolute advantage lies elsewhere'] (How politically correct)

You look a bit sicky today (shakey)

[On an EZ-link card] How do they store the information inside? [Student 2: ... use the scissors to cut it up and look inside.]

[Written] Today is Ladies Day. Ladies will answer all the questions. Guys will only speak when invited [to]. (Gentlemen)

[On why we may be able to use our handphones on planes soon] If that was true, most planes would've crashed by now because there are all the electromagnetic waves in the air... It turns out they just figured out how to make money out of you... A lot of lies told by companies.

eye rern (iron)

[On microwaving water in a new mug] You put something in the water. [Student: Boiling chip] ... You don't put boiling chips when you boil your tea (chips)

[On microwave oven leakage] Otherwise you will be cooked. Humans - you're made of meat.

All the food that we like to eat has lost its vitamins. Or has the tasty brown stuff outside that gives us cancer. Maybe the best thing to do is to eat salad. [Student: Eee.] E? Yeah, Vitamin E. [Me: *sotto voce* Pesticides.]

different shells (cells)

[Student on avoiding handphone radiation: Bluetooth Headset.] I think people who have that in their ear already have something wrong with them.

[On cellphone tracing In the early days a lot of criminals got caught because they didn't take [module name]

[On catching a pedophile with cellphone tracing] He was in a cell in a remote part of Thailand. Very easy... 'Have you seen a foreigner here?' 'Yeah, he's there'.

Can you be assassinated while talking on your handphone? [Student: Yeah. You're talking and somebody shoots you] I didn't mean it that way... The Israelis... They waited until the guy was talking on his handphone... They sent a missile. It locked in on his signal, went through the window and assassinated him.

[On the principle of cellphone detonators] Now I [have] taught you how to make a simple bomb. [Student: How do you know that? [Student 2: {He's} Done it before... Afghanistan]... In Singapore if you go on the Internet and search how to make bombs, you'll be tracked. In Singapore everything is tracked... You will get caught. There're so many ways to track you... It's not easy [to make bombs]... If you use your handphone [as a detonator] when you are making it and your friend calls you, you are gone.

[On 'Havard'] I was wondering why, then he said 'Malay spelling' and it made sense.

[To me] I can't get over his hair. I got over your hair pretty quickly. [On his hair] It's very ugly. [Me: My hair is very ugly meh.] It's a different aspect of getting over. (type)

Colonial superiority over the indie'genius population (indigenous)

[On his presentation partner] Basically if you didn't get what she was saying - the 3 main points...

readaption (readaptation)

In Singapore it's unicameral. Which means there's only 1 House. House of Parliament? Sorry sorry. My PS [specialisation] is International Relations.

I realise that the presentation has been quite heavy so far, so just bear with me for a few slides more then we can look at pretty pictures.

This is very amusing. The massive use of glass in the new Supreme Court building signifies transparency in the justice system... The UFO thing represents the dome.

The Singapore Arts Museum (Art)

CHIJMES. I'm very indignant because I'm an IJ girl. So much for being Simple in Virtue and Steadfast in Duty... People used to drop off babies because they couldn't take care of them. Now it's where babies are made... They totally pervert the CHIJ name. Like CHIJAZZ. What is that.

I interviewed a professor in NUS who's been here for 18 years, but who wants to go home.

[On Americans in Singapore] No contact with Singapore or Singaporeans... I asked him if he goes to the Borders bookstore. He said he can't go there. 'Orchard is outside the bubble'.

The students at the Singapore American School are very isolated. They don't have a Singapore accent. They have a SAS accent, which is described as a Texas-Valley girl accent.

[On SAS descriptions of Singapore] One of the students said 'gay'. Gay means stupid, I understand... He can't spell 'humide' very well.

I was asked to be a coach for the baseball team... I asked what was so good about it. He got very excited. 'It's like coming home to Kansas'. I'm from New York. I can't think of a worse place to go to.

[On expats in HCJC humanz] They're just permanent install'lations there

How do you normally get your papers back? [Me and other student: Throw them in the air.]

[On procrastination] Finally getting down to work. After I check Facebook.

[On disposing of fluorescent tubes] They go and bury them somewhere where they only kill some fish or something.

The word 'laser' is actually an acro'nyear'm (acronym)

They heat the less'tiss (lattice)

[On semi-conductors] This area where the electrons cannot move is called the Forbidden Zone... That's not the Forbidden Zone. That's the Depletion Zone... I don't know why I chose that name. I've seen too many movies, I think.

He wants to play testes. He said it again. (tetris)

[On the Asian Dog] Who's this sad person who's your bitch?

[On assignment guidelines] He's like a woman. What he says and what he wants are completely opposite.

[On assignment guidelines] He keeps on changing his mind. You should follow the last thing he said.

I don't know if it's true, but one of my professors said, 'If on the day of the exam, the class is silent, then they're gonna do well.'

The rest of this is just a verbal discussion, so if I talk fast you can read slow at home. (quickly, slowly)

[On returning term papers] I hate this but I'm so rubbish with Chinese names. I know that people will be upset. They may not even know that I'm calling them... I'm going to tell myself that it's not my pronunciation, but your terrible attendance that is responsible [for your not coming to collect your papers].

[On Chinese names] These are the ones I don't like. The ones with the Qs and Xs... Tell me the rule about the Qs with no Us... [After calling a name] Ah. She's not even here to appreciate [my effort].

I don't think the principle of moral responsiblity is appropriate for what I had for lunch.