"The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised." - George F. Will

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Quotes:

I can't forsee myself doing a 9-5 job. [Me: This is a 8:30-6 job.] Oops.

Do you have any normal stuff on your body?... Everytime you show me something it's something abnormal.

[On my name card] Someone else already gave it to me.

[Me: The primary female gender defects are irrationality, gullibility, risk averseness and paranoia.] [Incoming freshman with an elbow suddenly on me: Say that again?] Don't worry. He's going on to his final year so you only have one more year of this to go.

[To incoming freshman] USP is full of people who are weird in their own way. So what's your... eccentricity?

You are Bishan Gay-briel.

If you were a girl - you are a girl. What am I talking about? [Someone: Do you want me to check?]

[Me on some esoteric, intellectual conversation: Are you zoning out yet?] Yes. [Me: See, it's hard to find women like your sister.] Thank god.

My sex education consisted of 'Don't go to dark places with boys' and 'Masturbation is bad for health'.

[On How Girls Waste Time] Tell me the most controversial one. [Me: Err. Locked in the bedroom for hours performing unspeakable acts?] You mean guys don't do that? [Me: They'e not mutually exclusive. Guys got recovery period.] You guys are disgusting. (have a)

[Someone on City Harvest: Tell me about the rituals.] First they slaughtered the lamb. Then they painted its blood over the Expo.

[On Shafy] Have you seen her hair?

[On a nymphomaniac] I know a female friend... 'If I don't have it, I can't function.' It's like her daily fix.

It's better doing it with a man than getting off on your own.

[Me: You should get to know Chinese girls. Then you can have cross-racial perspectives on sexuality.] I know some Chinese girls. They don't go for Chinese guys.

I think all girls have a fantasy about black guys.

I think it's quite sad. Liking a guy and then discovering he's small... Of course you'll end it, but you feel bad.

[On learning Mandarin] The biggest issue in my class was tones. 'Do you know what you just said?... You called your mom a horse.'

Dessert? It's on us. [Intern: We should order the whole store.] Moral hazard. That's why we only tell you at the end.

One of my friends had never interacted with an Indian before... The first time she saw me, she asked 'Does your whole family make prata?'... One day all of my friends put on singlet and sarong and made prata.

I used to find oral sex disgusting... Up until JC... After that I met somebody.

This is another thing. Every woman wants to be a whore... Small sample size - the girls I know.

I wouldn't eat shit. [Me: Would you drink urine?] Yeah.

[Me: Over the years I've learnt you can't trust anything women say.] Over the years I've learnt you can't trust anything men say. [Me: *Laughs* So what people say can't be trusted.]

I have people who give me mixed signals. And you know what, only Chinese guys do that.

Hey, do you want to have a baby? [Me: *stare*] Err, do you want to have children?... Don't you want someone to dote on? [Me: That's what a dog is for.] Don't you want someone who can talk back? [Me: That's what a significant other is for.]

I know this boy, 16, who slept with this woman, 25. She got pregnant. They're getting married. They're Malay. I had to say that... [Me: Does the Indian Muslim community have that problem?] No. Our main problem is our girls run off with Indian boys... Hindu boys.

[On clubbing] If you know what you can get, then you can get something... There'll always be somebody who finds you very attractive. Don't you feel that way, even though you might not feel the same way about them?

I see you, like, you know, getting it on with some woman who plays the cello or something... in a very classical setting... [On Hob VIIb:2 - 1] She's playing this piece, but she's white. Oh, and she's older than you... I'm trying to think where I got this image. Do you watch Sex and the City?

I think there needs to be radical reintepretation of the Koran. [Me: ie Make it say what you want it to say.]

[Me: Are you going to wear your tudung in Hungary?] Yeah... It's an interesting conversation starter.