12/7 - Uffizi Gallery, Florence; Riomaggiore, Cinque Terra
At least half the "gelato" outside of Italy is fake gelato. Real gelato contains no cream, only milk, and thus has little firmness and melts easily. That's why you almost always find it handled with spatulas. So if your "gelato" is like ice cream, you know you've been conned.
Besides XXX magazines, there were also gay magazines at magazine stands. "Top Gay" magazine had a dark-haired man with a moustache and hairy chest; basically the guy from Eurotrip. I always thought gays went for muscular, hairy men. But then, this was Italy.
Malaysian Mannikins. Somehow I was neither surprised nor disappointed to see them in Italy.
The morning was dedicated to the Uffizi Gallery, the most expensive museum in the world. The entry price was €9,50, the reservation fee was €3 and an online reservation fee resulted in a grand total of €18,20 - per ticket. To add injury to injury, a voucher had to be printed out and displayed at the ticket office, or the tickets one had already paid for would not be given to one. The person at the booth didn't check the voucher before giving us the tickets - I should've photocopied copies of it and sold them to people.
The €5 T-shirt I'd bought in Rome was the lousiest in existence. It'd started to fall apart (the fabric was parting) even on its first wearing (this day). I should've known that a €5 shirt couldn't have been anything good - obviously a lemon.
I was wondering why the busts inside were so complete, then I saw: "Total height 0.85m. Height of the antique part 0.34m". Gah.
For some reason I was very tired. Walking up 2 high storeys didn't help. So I didn't play any games with the staff, especially since I'd had my fun the previous night. Strangely, no one else played them either (I heard one person being Tsk-ed, but I'm not sure if it was for this), not even with the most famous Botticellis (Birth of Venus, Spring), contrasting strongly with David the previous night. Maybe that's why the exhibitions started on the second floor - to tire people out by making them climb 2 huge flights of stairs first.
Ponte Vecchio, from the Uffizi Gallery
People were taking pictures of this, so I got clued on.
For some reason a third of the rooms were closed. Even the Rubens gallery was closed. Well done.
For some reason, when I think of Titian I always have an image of a nude woman reclining on a couch with her front to the viewer. I don't think I saw any of these.
Scuola di Fontainebleau's Due Donne Al Bagno was weird. Who takes a bath with such weird hair? It looked like it was permed.
The Dutch paintings were mediocre.
There was vegetation in the fountain outside the cafe. Uhh.
I find Italian No Trespassing signs funny.
Palazzo Vecchio from terrace of Uffizi
There was also an exhibition on Leonardo da Vinci. There was a sketch of an exploded skull by him - now I know where Dr BodyWorlds got his inspiration from.
One room with Caravaggios had an unlabelled item - a shield with a Medusa's head on it. The blood could be seen spouting from the bottom of the diseombodied head, and the snakes were so animated, you could almost imagine they were alive. The crowning glory was the expression of shock on Medusa's head - evidently this captured the moment when she'd just been decapitated. Stupid museum.
"Good girls go to Heaven. Bad girls go to ~". I'd seen this T-shirt template a few times, filled in variously with "Italy", "London" and "Amsterdam". Of course it only worked in the last case, the City of Sin - the first 2 were just laughable.
I saw a woman wearing a T-shirt reading "FBI: Fashion Beauty Inside". I should pair her up with the few men I saw wearing T-shirts reading "FBI: Female Body Inspector".
Cosimo Medici
I was looking for the bronze disc in Piazza della Signoria where Savonarola burnt and in turn got burnt. At first I couldn't find it - I thought it was covered by the tourist crowds, hawkers or maybe the Philip Glass structure. In the end, I did find it:
The Loggia Della contained many famous works of sculpture. What most hapless tourists did not know, of course, was that at least half of them (maybe all) were fakes (copies). And yet they had the cheek to erect a sign claiming that it was "an important historic site on par with any room of the Uffizi Gallery". My foot.
Pigeon bait. This might be a fake, but there was no Gestapo guarding it.
Giambologna - Rape of the Sabines. 1581-3. This was also a copy.
Cellius - Perseus. 1545-54. This is also a copy.
A cambio was offering US$100 to €75 and proclaiming: "Easy: the best in the world". How modest.
I don't know how men in ties in Italy in Summer stand the heat. The best part is that I didn't even see them sweat. I'm sure there were normally more than I saw - maybe the rest all went on holiday. Which brings to mind a question: if everyone goes on holiday in July and August, doesn't the economy shut down? Then again it's too hot to get any work done anyway, so.
The toilets at Florence train station were €0,70. Wth.
Florence done, we headed to Riomaggiore in Cinque Terra, via Pisa, for a break from museums, ruins and churches. If we missed our connection, we'd have had 2 hours in Pisa, so actually we could've gone out to see the Leaning Tower (the only thing to see there), but decided against it. A conversation with a fellow traveler later revealed the Tower was just 20 minutes from the station and very easy to find. Oh well. Perhaps another time.
Even the most expensive Eurostar trains have graffiti on them. Gah.
"Very important part of the physical examination. Making sure the G Spot still works." - Andrew
Cinque Terra is really amazing. One moment we were traveling through normal terrain, the next we were passing through a tunnel, and when we emerged, we had a breathtaking view:
View from Riomaggiore train station
Critique of GDP. I was thinking this was a justification of how tax dollars were eaten up in maintaining the place with little return, but given how much tourism Cinque Terra draws that's unlikely.
Me and Andrew in Riomaggiore
Rocks
Cliff
Boat coming in
Man reading newspaper. This is one of my favourite shots. He had this feet in the water and was just reading.
Rocky beach. Why would people like such a rocky beach?! The smart ones brought inflatable air beds to use.
Why do little girls like to wear swinsuits covering the top parts of their bodies? It's not like there's anything to cover.
There were grannies in 2 piece swimsuits. These Europeans don't care about social expectations - they just go ahead and show their cellulite! Gotta love these Europeans.
About this time, I noticed that *BOTH* my heels now had cuts on them. Gah. Disadvantages of going round in sandals...
Village of Riomaggiore and the shore
Village
Main street
Roofs
I had a mint granite (variant Italian spelling) and it was refreshing. Most Italian granites were a touch too sweet (and coming from me, that's something) except the lemon ones, which were too sour.
Riomaggiore is how I've always imagined a little seaside town, clinging to the rocks, to be. Small alleys, coloured, weathered walls et al.. The place is so damn pretty that you can take postcard-perfect shots effortlessly. Hell, you'd have to try to not take them. You almost suspect they brought Disney in.
Hill
Houses
Church
Hill
Biggest Bougainvillea I've ever seen
Vive la Italia!
Railway station
One part of dinner - Scampi pasta
It was expensive for what we got (3 scampi, though the menu said "penne with prawns"), but it was good. Ah, the perils of going to restaurants with writeups.