"One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time." - Nancy Astor
Random Playlist Song: Elgar - Enigma Variations, Op.36- IV. W.M.B.
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Tech Support, Calls From Hell:
I had this conversation recently with a lady who swore she had been using computers since forever.
Tech Support: "All right. Now click 'OK'."
Customer: "Click 'OK'?"
Tech Support: "Yes, click 'OK'."
Customer: "Click 'OK'?"
Tech Support: "That's right. Click 'OK'."
Customer: "So I click 'OK', right?"
Tech Support: "Right. Click 'OK'."
Pause.
Customer: "I clicked 'Cancel'."
Tech Support: "YOU CLICKED 'CANCEL'???"
Customer: "That's what I was supposed to do, right?"
Tech Support: "No, you were supposed to click 'OK'."
Customer: "I thought you said to click 'Cancel'."
Tech Support: "NO. I said to click 'OK'."
Customer: "Oh."
Tech Support: "Now we have to start over."
Customer: "Why?"
Tech Support: "Because you clicked 'Cancel'."
Customer: "Wasn't I supposed to click 'Cancel'?"
Tech Support: "No. Forget that. Let's start from the top."
Customer: "Ok."
I spent the next fifteen minutes re-constructing the carefully crafted setup for this lady's unique computer.
Tech Support: "All right. Now, are you ready to click 'OK'?"
Customer: "Yes."
Tech Support: "Great. Now click 'OK'."
Pause.
Customer: "I clicked 'Cancel'."
And people wonder why my mouse pad has a target on it labeled "BANG HEAD HERE."
(Computer Stupidities)
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In Episode 16 of PRiS - Flashes of Darkonda, TJ says they're gonna check out a planet in the Dagobah system :0
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Not satisfied with calling its Ice Cream Soda, F&N has renamed it "Cool Ice Cream Soda". Luckily for them, they didn't bring it into their Alliteration Line of soft drinks, or I would have to call it "Icky Ice Cream Soda".
My newest fetish is fisting hoop earrings (while someone is wearing them of course). If I can't find any hoop earrings large enough, I shall have to settle for fisting them. Sadly, no one I know wears hoop earrings (or maybe they don't want to tell me). Meanwhile, with the lifting of ridiculous rules on hair, one of my older fetishes (tugging ponytails) will have to go unfulfilled, though I did make my third ponytail conquest last week. I still hold out the hope that I can find someone to pimp her ears and hair to me simultaneously.
Jurong East library periodically plays overly long, internally repetitive announcements at an inappropriately loud volume, urging people to make the library a conducive place for learning. Sadly, the damn announcements do the opposite.
When libraries have silent reading areas, you know that they've given up trying to enforce silence in the rest of the library. Maybe they need to hire the psycho ex-RJ librarians.
It's sneaky how some publishers try to deter people photocopying sections from their book by using odd shapes for the pages, such that it is very hard or impossible to photocopy pages without truncating sections of text.
Apparently not only do Singapore, Hong Kong and Taiwan have high rates of anorexia, their societies are inundated with slimming ads. Hmm.
Apparently many Tom Yam restaurants in Malaysia were set up by fleeing separatists from southern Thailand. So the Malay middle class's patronage of said restaurants is probably funding the insurgency.
It seems that in 1989, then-PM Lee was upset because lawyers couldn't 'think out of the box', so he invited 3 individuals to do a fast track law degree. And of all people, he chose Engineers?!
The glories of exclusion clauses: "The customer is deemed to be fully insured at all times against all risks (including, without prejudice to the generality of the foregoing, fire, damage and theft, whether due to the negligence of others or not) and the company shall not be responsible or liable for any loss or misdelivery of or damage of whatever kind to the customer’s motor vehicle, or any articles carried therein or thereon or of or to any accessories carried thereon or therein or any injury to the customer or any other person occurring when the customer’s motor vehicle is in the parking building howsoever that loss, misdelivery, damage or injury shall be caused"
Quotes:
[On Jackson Pollock] He's a guy who dribbles paint.
'The sudden appearance of this, of this list poses a whole host of puzzles and questions which the First Meditation does not address, and which this essay cannot address.' Ah, my favourite trick, saying you're not gonna do things.
'Of course, as this may be wrong, but it is not within the scope of this paper to consider mistakes I may have made in this paper'... No no no. You can't say that, or you can't say, 'Of course, if this is a misreading of Descartes then all of the things that I've said may be lies.' End. No.
[On his dummy paper] If someone did write this paper they'd get a very high grade for it, if I do say so myself.
Okay. I'll just read this real quick. Those who are in desperate need to go may file out in an orderly fashion.
[On essay topics] They look hard, but they're really easy. Well, they're not really easy. They're just moderately hard.
There's one guy who asked about question 3. He's not here today. Maybe he decided to sleep in. He was so terrifed by the question.
You may think I'm teaching you an arcane skill. How to read 19th Century English. All the people who wrote like this are dead. You don't have to talk to them ever again.
Never mind if it's not right. This is philosophy. We don't deal with facts here. Really.
[On Victorian morality] This sounds implausible to me. That it was too lascivious to see sexy piano legs.
In work, sometimes we feel happy. Sometimes we feel unhappy. Sometimes we feel very stretchful (stressful)
inter actions (interactions)
Children look up in you (to)
our maining in life (meaning)
no patent (pattern)
Leisure is important because we want to do what we want to enjoy (enjoy)
car'shiun is losing (calcium is being lost)
special orientation (spatial)
[On notes] When I say 'read at your leisure time' you read at your leisure time. After you get your degree then you read it.
'Ex gratia'. Out of the goodness of my heart. If an insurer tells you that, you tell them: 'Don't bullshit me'... Nowadays the fine print is getting smaller and smaller... Don't accept ex gratia payments.
cut the Guardian Knot (Gordion)
The lady who is texting - are you ready? Unless you are texting my lecture.
[On Thornton vs Shoe Lae Parking's convoluted exception clause] If you, who have had the benefit of a good quality education, cannot understand it in one reading, how do you expect the housewife?... By the time you read this, you'd say 'it doesn't matter'. Let the building collapse... [Lord] Denning [the judge]... double first in mathematics. He must have cried first. Denning must have cried first.
Never fly on the 31st of December anytime. Because most pilots in the Western World are drunk.
[On a picture of the Creation of Man] Can you see? [Everyone: No] Good. It's a picture of naked people. I don't want you to see too much.
[On the story of Adam and Eve and the latter pressurising the former] This is like the story of Singapore men and their women.
[During a lecture on food] What are the 5 Cs? [Someone: Food.] Food? Food begins with an F!
Before I left [Singapore]: Huh! McDonalds. The first time I landed in the States, I was hungry... There was Chinese food, there was Indian food, there was Japanese food... but I walked into McDonalds. That's the lesson in life - don't be arrogant.
It became a symbol of high'jair'nic food (hygienic)
**** ****, sorry, Professor ****. *laughs from students* He's a colleague, so I can call him by his first name.
[On urine lassi] Here's how you cook it. [A] Recipe, if you want to take it down.
[On pictures of weird and potentially disturbing foods] Shall I show you more pictures? [Everyone: Yes!] You guys, you are sick!
[On tigers' penises] Guys, it's an aphrodisiac. You consume penis, because you think it will give you a better penis. (penises)
[Quoting a Filipino taxi driver on eating half developed chicks] Everytime I make love to my wife I eat balut. I have 5 children. My wife is pregnant with the sixth
The more I talk, the more I realise I'm not gonna get through my slides today, but that's alright.
My friend in Chemical Engineering tells me that there are actually more girls than guys in there. [Me: But the quality all like you lah right?] *pokes me in the tummy* [Me: *squeal/giggle*] [Everyone within 40 metres looks at me]
[On product differentiation] Maybe Starhub has per second billing, Singtel has better quality. M1 - I don't know what M1 is doing... We can predict that M1's market share will go down... M1 is happy-go-lucky.