The Horror of Blimps

"I always knew this was going to happen. I always knew that skepticism and science were mere psychological decorations and vanities. Deep in our alligator brains we all know that the world is just chock full of evil and monsters and sinister forces aligned against us, and it is only a matter of time until they show up. Evolution know this, too. It knows what to do when the silent terror comes at you from out of the dark.

When 50 million years worth of evolutionary survival instinct hits you all at once flat in the gut at 200 mph it is not a pleasant sensation.

Without volition I screamed my battle cry (which is indistinguishable to the sound a little girl makes when you drop a spider down her dress (not that I'd know what that sounds like,) and lept out of bed in my underwear.

I struck the approaching menace with all my strength and almost fell over at the total lack of resistance that a helium balloon offers when you punch the living shit out of it with all the stength that sudden middle of the night terror produces.

It's trajectory took it straight into the ceiling fan which whipped it about the room at terrifying velocity.

Seeking a weapon, I ripped the alarm clock out of its plug and hurled it at the now High Velocity Menacing presence (breaking the clock and putting a nice hole in the wall.)

Somehow at this moment I suddenly realized that I was fighting the blimp, and not a monster. It might have been funny if I didn't truly and actually feel like I was having a legitimate heart-attack."


Chicken in a Biskit

It seems the old Nabisco Chicken In A Biskit is no longer available in Singapore. In its place, we have ersatz "In a Biskit - Chicken". Though the original had a frighteningly high sodium content, the biscuits were addictive. They were baked for just the right amount of time, leaving them crisp but not too dry, and the chicken flavouring grew on you. The new "In a Biskit" line has more flavours, but the crackers are over-baked, are not crumbly enough and are too brittle. The flavouring is also not as nice as before.

Some people disagree, though. At least this page ranting against it has a picture of the original Classic Packaging.


Joseph's Dreams

Narrator:
Joseph's coat annoyed his brothers

Brothers:
But what makes us mad
Are the things that Joseph tells us of the
Dreams he's often had

Joseph:
I dreamed that in the fields one day
The corn gave me a sign
Your eleven sheaves of corn
All turned and bowed to mine
My sheaf was quit a sight to see,
A golden sheaf and tall
Yours were green and second-rate
And really rather small

Brothers:
This is not the kind of thing
We brothers like to hear
It seems to us that Joseph and his
Dreams should disappear

Joseph:
I dreamed I saw eleven stars,
The sun the moon and sky
Bowing down before my star,
It made me wonder why
Could it be that I was born
For higher things than you?
A post in someone's government?
A ministry or two

Brothers:
The dreams of our dear brother are the decade's biggest yawn
His talk of stars and golden sheaves is just a load of corn
Not only is he tactless but he's also rather dim
For there's eleven of us and there's only one of him
The dreams of course will not come true
That is, we think they won't come true
That is, we hope they won't come true
What if he's right all along?
The dreams make more than crystal clear
The writing on the wall
Means that Joseph some day soon
Will rise above us all
The accuracy of the dreams
We brothers do not know
But one thing we are sure about
The dreamer has to go!

Too bad he had lousy EQ too.

Janet Metz's voice can be sickly sweet and cloying at times. Eek.


Extract from a song that shall remain anonymous:

"Every time I look at you
I don't understand
Why you let the things you did
Get so out of hand
You'd have managed better
If you'd had it planned
Now why'd you choose such a backward time
And such a strange land?

If you'd come today
You could have reached the whole nation
Israel in 4 BC had no mass communication

Don't you get me wrong...
Only want to know...

Tell me what you think
About your friends at the top
Now who d'you think besides yourself
Was the pick of the crop?
Buddah was he where it's at?
Is he where you are?
Could Muhammmed move a mountain
Or was that just PR?
Did you mean to die like that?
Was that a mistake or
Did you know your messy death
Would be a record breaker?"

No wonder it was banned in South Africa for being "irreligious". Bah.

"The selections are intelligent, however, and include... a puzzling 'I Don't Know How to Love Him' in which [Yvonne] Elliman either plays with or loses track of the rhythm." - LOL


Just as my download privileges on Soulseek expired, they decided to give me 35.0 more.

A reward for donating twice?