Comments attributed to Andy Rooney I was forwarded almost 2 weeks back which I've annotated (original version can be found here):


Andy Rooney said on 60 minutes a few weeks back: (for those of you
that don't know Andy Rooney, he is an 82 year old US TV commentator.)

I like big cars, big boats, big motorcycles, big houses and big campfires.
Good for you. What if I like big government unlike you? To each his own

I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some
governmental stooge with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to
crack addicts for squirting out babies.
I'm sure that pouring the money into farm subsidies for filthy rich farmers so Third World peasants can't find a market for their crops is a much better use of your money. Taxes exist for a reason - to help the disadvantaged.

Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.
Weapons of mass destruction don't make you a killer either, but I don't see anyone advocating for all countries to exercise a divine right to hold them.

I believe they are called the Boy Scouts for a reason, that is why there are no girls allowed. Girls belong in the Girl Scouts! ARE YOU LISTENING MARTHA BURKE?

I think that if you feel homosexuality is wrong, it is not a phobia, it is an opinion.
If you feel that Jews are big-nosed, skullcap wearing usurers and evil Zionist scum, that's not anti-Semitism, that's an opinion.

I don't think being a minority makes you a victim of anything, except numbers. The only things I can think of that are truly discriminatory are things like the United Negro College Fund, Jet Magazine, Black Entertainment Television, and Miss Black America. Try to have things like the United Caucasian College Fund, Cloud Magazine, White Entertainment Television, or Miss White America, and see what happens. Jesse Jackson will be knocking down your door.

I have the right "NOT" to be tolerant of others because they are different, weird, or tick me off.
So I assume others have the right "NOT" to be tolerant of you.

When 70% of the people who get arrested are black, in cities where 70%
of the population is black, that is not racial profiling, it is the Law of Probability.
But the truth is - it's a disproportionate number who get arrested. The reason for the discrepancy lies elsewhere, not the Law of Probability.

I know what sex is, and there are not varying degrees of it. If I received
sex from one of my subordinates in my office, it wouldn't be a private matter or my personal business. I would be "FIRED" immediately!

I believe that if you are selling me a milk shake, a pack of cigarettes, a newspaper or a hotel room, you must do it in English! As a matter of fact, if you want to be an American citizen, you should HAVE to speak English!
I'm not all that sure all the immigrants who made America great spoke English, so I guess we can discount their contributions.

My father and grandfather didn't die in vain, so you can leave the countries you were born in to come over and disrespect ours. I think the police should have every right to shoot your sorry self, if you threaten them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the word "freeze" or "stop" in ENGLISH, see the above lines.
So I guess it's okay if you Americans get beaten up by Moroccan police after you accidentally outrage the modesty of some of their women by touching their hands to get their attention. Oh I forgot. Most of you have never been outside of your country.

I feel much safer letting a machine with no political affiliation recount votes when needed. I know what the definition of lying is.
Guess you haven't heard about all the screw ups plaguing the new machines, huh?

I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you are qualified for any special loan programs, government sponsored bank loans or tax breaks, etc., so you can open a hotel, coffee shop, trinket store, or any other business.
At least they're helping the economy to *grow*, instead of sitting around sulking like Pennsylvania steel workers and whining for trade tariffs just because they can't make steel as efficiently as others.

We did not go to the aid of certain foreign countries and risk our lives in wars to defend their freedoms, so that decades later they could come over here and tell us our constitution is a living document; and open to their interpretations.
Foreign countries did not come over and risk their lives in a war for your independence, so that centuries later you could call them "cheese eating surrender monkeys". And if labour and environmental standards can be imposed willy-nilly all over the third world on pain of sanctions, why not recognise that after 200 years, your constitution is as irrelevant if taken literally as Nostradamus?

I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor. I know pro wrestling is fake, but so are movies and television. That doesn't stop you from watching them.

I believe a self-righteous liberal or conservative with a cause is more dangerous than a Hell's Angel with an attitude.
Funny, aren't you one?

I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue to make more. If it ticks you off, go and invent the next operating system that's better, and put your name on the building. Ask your buddy that invented the Internet to help you.
I think the Japanese have every right to make cars that put Detroit to shame and even bankruptcy. And at least they don't run roughshod over their competitors with underhand tactics.

It doesn't take a whole village to raise a child right, but it does take a parent to stand up to the kid; and smack their little behinds when necessary, and say "NO!"
Unfortunately, a smack and a "no" is hardly the worst that happens.

I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are a political statement. And, please, stay home until that new lip ring heals. I don't want to look at your ugly, infected mouth as you serve me fries!

I am sick of "Political Correctness." I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa; so how can they be "African-Americans"? Besides, Africa is a continent. I don't go around saying I am a European-American because my great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather was from Europe. I am proud to be from America and nowhere else. And if you don't like my point of view, tough.


NB: The above comments weren't actually made by Andy Rooney, and bear a striking resemblance to another piece attributed to George Carlin. See Snopes' investigation.

Andy Rooney himself said that:

"About a year ago, I became aware of a more serious theft of my name and it is so hurtful to my reputation that it calls for legal action against the thief. Hundreds of people have written asking if I really wrote the 20 detestable remarks made under my name that have had such wide circulation on the Internet.

[...]

Some of the remarks, which I will not repeat here, are viciously racist and the spirit of the whole thing is nasty, mean and totally inconsistent with my philosophy of life. It is apparent that the list of comments has been read by hundreds of thousands of Americans, many of whom must believe that it accurately represents opinions of mine that I don't dare express in my column or on television. It is seriously damaging to my reputation."

It just goes to show - "People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first."


Civ 3's devilishly hard. Even at Chieftain (easiest), it wasn't a pushover and now I'm finding Warlord challenging.