Tales from the Medical Centre

One day when I was the Duty Medic, there was a need to send a patient to A&E. Now normally it is hard enough to find someone willing to go down to A&E, despite the lure of Civilisation and the opportunity to buy the New Paper and maybe even patronise the NUH food court, but this time it was worse, for this was no ordinary patient, but a transvestite/transsexual. Even though I found at least 3 people who were totally free, I could not find anyone who was willing to send him. I would have sent him myself, but I was on duty. In the end, his unit medic sent him even though he had something on later. It just goes to show that in modern Singaporean society, where discrimination based on someone's race, religion, language and gender are all politically incorrect, it's still acceptable to harbour unreasoning prejudices against those with sexual identities or orientations judged deviant. So much for us being a multi-racial society - it doesn't seem to have made us more tolerant (even on a superficial level) of differences beyond those drilled into us as being unacceptable. People fear what they do not understand and destroy what they fear.

Jonathan and Wang always like to shit together in adjacent cubicles. I suspect their bowel movements are synchronised, in the same way that the periods of females who always hang out together are synchronised.

People always like to leave the door of the Documentation Room open after they enter or leave it, despite frequent reminders (from me). This is especially irritating when I am the Duty Medic, since not only does hot air blow in, pesky insects (of both the 6-legged and 2-legged varieties) like to fly in to bother me. Luckily, the broom is long enough for me to use it to close the door, though it is rather tiring.

"Underpaid medical staff pinched drugs and supplies" - this was written about Tanzania, but I think it applied perfectly to the SAF as well

Stories from 42

A regular told us that in 25 years in the Army, the highest AWOL rate he's ever seen is in 42SAR currently. I think that speaks for itself, but would also like to wager that the attempted suicide rate is, similarly, also the highest that he has ever seen.

I left my cupboard lock's key inside the cupboard on Christmas Eve, since it was the lousy type of lock (Tri-Cycle, a blatant ripoff or Tri-Circle, which is really sad - pirating a China brand) which allows you to remove the key even if the lock is open. As a result, I was locked out. Valiant camp mates from all over my level came to help me break the lock on Sunday night, but they all failed despite attempting the widest range of lock-breaking methods known to Man - from a skeleton key to Arc of Fire sticks to Paramedic Scissors to an Entrenching Tool (ET) Blade and even the ET Blade, ET Stick and a helmet, all to no avail. Eventually the lock gave way the next morning after dilligent hammering on my part with a hammer and screwdriver. But at least we now know that Tri-Cycle locks are very strong.

We have been told that now Urgent Leave has to be applied for in person, and not by phone. This is most curious, for I had always believed that Urgent Leave was Urgent, and servicemen needing it could not afford to return to camp to apply for it. I wonder what will happen if in the future someone's father is dying and he is told to return to camp to apply for Urgent Leave, but while he does so, his father passes away. If that unfortunate eventuality comes to pass, I hope the requisite heads will roll.

It seems we are not allowed to sit on our beds in the morning, on pain of getting confinements. The bunk is a very dangerous place indeed, so I will resolve to leave it as soon as possible each morning.

The Unit Fitness Program is not conducted by 42SAR. We are told that the reason for this is that someone (who probably has nothing to do with the UFP in the first place) just had to make the stray comment that if the PTIs took us, there would be "no sense of belonging" (we'd rather not belong to 42, thank you very much), but I think another reason is that the Chief PTI realised that UFP had become the 42 Fitness Program, and that 42 had spoilt the market (because since after 42 men started joining in, those from HQ Armour didn't turn up anymore). We are all very sad that we're now to be trained by 42, since the training will inevitably be less imaginative (and thus more boring), more regimental and involving us doing a lot of silly, unnecessary things and less useful (since the PTIs are the experts at PT).

I notice that recently, the 42 cookhouse has cleaned up its act. Its food used to be really bad, getting worse when all three cookhouses decided to have cooks from each place taking turns to cook, but I think it has responded to complaints, probably to keep a "receptivity" rating of more than 90%, arrived at by some mystical formula involving the celestial movement of the signs of the zodiac. Nowadays it's edible most of the time, and they've even made up for the period when they used to skimp by providing 3 dishes for chicken rice instead of 4, as specified in their contract - by providing a bonus dish (Tau Kee) for their chicken rice on two occasions.

Bureaucracy is a great consumer of paper, and the SAF is no exception. Some might recall my previous rant about admin instructions, even for minor activities like company games, with one particularly farcical safety hazard - "Serviceman is hit by frisbee". This time, I saw the lesson plans for the Close Combat Training packages, and the whole stack was ridiculously thick. However, on closer inspection I found that all the lesson plans shared at least 95% of their content. I divine that much of this is done to cover people's asses, and to conform to ISO regulations (this devil hits yet again!), but I wonder if it does more harm than good, for the amount of paper wasted - not helped by idiots who print out all their email - is surely leading to deforestation. (Incidentally, our paper is provided by "SFI" - Sabah Forest Industries and I doubt any part of it is recycled, so I think the Dayaks are the ones suffering the impact of our bureaucracy) The SAF may get award after ISO 900X award, but it's not getting any credit from the WWF or related agencies.

Something is very wrong. Often, my uniforms start to become musty after only a day in my cupboard. Maybe a malodorous miasma, the scent of which I am at a loss to describe, wafts in from an unknown dimension, but it doesn't seem to affect non-No 4 clothing.

Miscellaneous Vignettes

In its bid to employ the destitute, the Ministry of Education is hiring extra cleaners for each school, so the students don't have to sweep the floor or empty the wastepaper basket anymore. Maybe they should help the destitute further by hiring them to do the area cleaning that we NSFs do now.

We are always told to go to our commanders if we've problems, but those who repeat this advice never consider (or at least never tell us that they do) that the commanders *are* the ones causing many of the problems.


Heelys - the shoes which have wheels at the back so you can "heel" along - seem to be very popular these days. Maybe I should get a pair and sprain my ankle.

It seems that whenever people say I've lost weight, I will turn out to have gained some.


Quotes:

[On being in the army for 10 months) All my linguistic structures are eroding (?)

[Before I draw his blood] Can I scream in pain? [Me: Your choice]

Do you know how many people have suggested giving me a vibrator or a dildo for Christmas or my birthday?

[On breaking my lock] This is from someone who has broken his lock 2 times. Let me show you the power of the paramedic scissors. *proceeds to fail*

My whole [JC] class stayout except for 2 persons [,including me]... fuck. (stays-out)

[Me: Don't you find it reassuring to have an arm on your shoulder?] Yes, but not your arm. [Me: Then whose arm?] Maybe some chiobu's arm, but not around my shoulder? [Me: Then where?] Nevermind.

[Someone: Is 'Scary Movie' scary or not?] Scary? You want to know what is scary? Then go to [the] company line.

In the SAF Ward, the most frequent visitors are from 42SAR, or rather from Armour... If I see [people from] 42, I always see [people from] Support [Company]

[Camp mate to me: I don't think you've ever commented on someone who's not lian] That's because if they're not lian they don't warrant comment

I, me, Law and Ban Xiong... 3 of us.

Can I withdraw blood? (have my blood drawn)

None of you volunteered to be in the army right?

[On 42SAR] I'm 25 years in the Army. I've never come across so many AWOL cases.

[On suicides in the army] Last time you see a lot of people jumping down... That's why now all the blocks shorter (saw, are shorter)

[On fighting in camp] If you are in a commander unit and you fight, that is another reason, because the CO encourage it (commando, fine, encourages)

Fight also you don't get caught lah. Fight, get caught - xiao kao. (If you want to fight, If you fight and)

Fighting is childish... Don't be like the Americans: Go around bombing everybody.

Safety is the most important... All the time, at the back of your mind (front)

[Christmas Card] Merry Xams & a Happy New Year (Xmas)

[Sign] endorse statue (status)

Ah lians? Please. I just want to find decent, exotic, non-chinese bips. (babes)

[Me: You all are shitting together again ah?] Standard. Eat together, shit together. [Me: Sleep together] Fuck you. (It's standard practise)

[On his Friendster list of 96] At least 20 of them are SC[GS]... All either SC of AC.