Does anyone need more proof that the world is going straight to Hell?

Plastic Faith

ESHER, England -- The world's first inflatable church opened its Gothic arches to worshipers to reveal a blow-up organ, a polyvinyl pulpit, an air-filled altar and fake stained glass windows.

Out With a Bang

STOCKHOLM -- A Swedish church newspaper reported a growing number of explosions during cremations caused by overheated silicone breast implants in female corpses.

Bad Day

DAR ES SALAAM, Tanzania -- A man who thought his boss's bicycle had been stolen while in his care killed himself in despair by diving into a cesspit. A friend returned the bike a little later.

Family Hour

BEIJING -- China banned commercials for feminine hygiene products and hemorrhoid ointments during mealtimes, declaring them unappetizing.

Ancient Art

LONDON -- A leading British museum has paid $387,000 for a 16th-century Italian Renaissance dinner plate showing a male head made entirely of phalluses.

Athletic Endeavor?

TORONTO -- A quick-fisted man bested 320 competitors to win $3,825 and the World Rock, Paper, Scissors Championship at a local nightclub.

Dog Breath?

LONDON -- A survey by a toothpaste manufacturer indicated more than half of all Britons have breath that smells worse than their pet's.