Alcohol is a wonderful virtual CD program. Unfortunately, it's exorbitantly priced, and the claims of reading virtual CDs at up to 200x speed must be taken with a pinch of salt, since you'd be reading from and writing to the hard disk simultaneously.


I still think the Sunday Times is an atrocious, disorganised mess, divided into only 2 sections so at most 2 people can read it at any time. Regardless, their back page interview fills me with mirth:

Reporter: You seem to delight in controversy. Almost all your plays are rated R(A). Shopping and F***ing had scenes of gang rape, sex orgies, drug abuse, Bent had gay characters parading in leather G-strings while Fireface dealt with necrophilia and incest. Very dark and disturbing preoccupations for a Raffles Girls' School (RGS) girl, wouldn't you say?

Beatrice Chia: Oh no! On the contrary, my penchant for R(A) plays is inspired by my days at RGS! Underneath all those A1s, thick glasses and pinafores, we had very sexy minds too, you know. In fact, the school disciplinarian is my inspiration for this photo shoot. I dedicate this picture to her. Filiae Melioris Aevi (means: daughters of a better age) Mrs Lim! Remember that RGS didn't just produce such luminaries like Claire Chiang, Kit Chan and Emma Yong, we produced Annabel Chong too. We were very well-balanced, I think. I am definitely going to send my daughter to school at RGS.

Reporter: You spent two years studying at a boarding school for boys in England. How has that experience shaped you as a person and taught you about boys and men?

Beatrice Chia: Seriously, sexually frustrated British boys aged between 13 and 18, locked up in a boarding school that looks like Hogwarts can be pretty scary. They seemed to think that screaming 'Slapper-face!' at a girl 30 times a day and emotionally abusing her was 'smashing!' and 'wicked fun!'

By the time I left, I felt as if I had been through two years of BMT in Pulau Tekong.

Until I went to boarding school, I always thought William Golding's Lord Of The Flies was pure fiction.

Reporter: Apparently you got into regular fights with them.

Beatrice Chia: Yes. Those were some of the best days of my life. When you fight with scary British boys, you have to be prepared to fight to the death. Some of our fights would last for days. But I always knew how to hurt them bad. I would just confiscate their porn magazines. That always got them good.