http://selfabuse.org/

DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT EVER use mayonnaise on your sandwich. It will trigger thoughts of other things which you must avoid thinking about. If you are a female, stay away from the hot dogs, carrots, cucumbers and Italian sausage! And girls, NEVER put a candle on the table and light it, pretending you have class. Candles are used for only one purpose and you know what that is!


The Christian and the Professor, a rebuttal to an old xian story

Remember the one that ends: "Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the professor's brain? Is there anyone here who has ever heard the professor's brain ... felt the professor's brain, touched or smelt the professor's brain? It appears no-one here has had any sensory perception of the professor's brain whatsoever. Well, according to the rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science, I DECLARE that the professor has no brain."


You Don't Love Me Anymore
by Weird Al Yankovic


We've been together for so very long
But now things are changing, oh I wonder what's wrong?
Seems you don't want me around
The passion is gone and the flame's died down

I guess I lost a little bit of self-esteem
That time that you made it with the whole hockey team
You used to think I was nice
Now you tell all your friends that I'm the Antichrist

Oh, why did you disconnect the brakes in my car?
That kind of thing is hard to ignore
Got a funny feeling you don't love me anymore

I knew that we were having problems when
You put those piranhas in my bathtub again
You're still the light of my life
Oh darling, I'm beggin', won't you put down that knife?

You know, I even think it's kinda cute the way
You poison my coffee just a little each day
I still remember the way that you laughed
When you pushed me down that elevator shaft

Oh, if you don't mind me asking, what's this poisonous cobra
Doing in my underwear drawer?
Sometime I get to thinking you don't love me any more

You slammed my face down on the barbecue grill
Now my scars are all healing, but my heart never will
You set my house on fire
You pulled out my chest hairs with an old pair of pliers

Oh, you think that I'm ugly and you say that I'm cheap
You shaved off my eyebrows while I was asleep
You drilled a hole in my head
Then you dumped me in a drainage ditch and left me for dead

Oh, you know this really isn't like you at all
You never acted this way before
Honey, something tells me you don't love me any more, oh no no
Got a funny feeling you don't love me anymore

(approximately 10 minutes and 2 seconds of silence)

(some loud and spontaneous noises)


"pirates of the caribbean is set in the 1670s-1690s for one pretty obvious reason... the obvious reason is that they had the balls to attack port royale
there was a fucking full naval ssquadron there by the 1690s"

!@#$%^&*()


Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe.

(...)