I have reached new depths of depravity - I actually went to wash my bunk's dustbin.
I went to the cookhouse for lunch one day... and I saw Zhongyong. Him having professed that he never went there, I enquired as to the reason for his presence - "COS Duty". By a Private? They're really short of men.
People rarely take fruit at lunch and dinner when at the cookhouse, as they are lazy - since the fruits aren't put beside the soup, but instead in a refrigerator some way off. Except when watermelon is available that is, when most will take 2 slices, and there will be no more watermelon left by 11:40 :(
More tales of lasciviousness: I walked into the bunk one day, only to find Boon Huat, Yi liang and Yong Siang on one bed, sprawled on top of each other and giggling softly like demure schoolgirls. After a while, they began grabbing at each other's clothes and trying to pin each other down. And after I wrote that paragraph, I was attacked by Yiliang and fled the bunk yelping, slamming the door after me (and spoiling the door handle in the process).
Tales of our ridiculously strict OC:
- He gave the batch of medics prior to mine one extra duty each because they didn't greet him while they were reading the Routine Orders one day
- He gave a driver 7 extras for sleeping in the ambulance during Games Day
- One morning, wanting to use a vehicle, he gave a driver 8 confinements for not washing said vehicle after coming back from a detail late the previous night
- He gave 2 people 1 extra each for not filling in their leave forms properly
Gah.
We now have a strenous physical training regimen - runs with static stations Monday, Wednesday and Friday, IPPT/SOC training Tuesday and Thursday and IPPT/SOC tests on Saturday. Argh. The new CSM is either going to train us up till we can pass all our tests, weeding out all who try to skive, evade or lie low (ie 'siam'), or get us injured and downgraded. Either way, that will be good for the Best Unit Competition results *sullenly* 40SAR is 1st, 41 is 2nd, 46 is 4th, and we are a "lousy" 9th.
The Best Unit Competition (BUC) was probably conceived as a way of promoting healthful inter-unit competition, but allegations and rumours of skulduggery have emerged. One of the best units has 'magic' rounds during range - one magazine of six rounds, load and ready! - and this has been verified by someone who used to be from there. Apparently some units send most of their vehicles out on long details just before the inspectors arrive, and attach their armoured vehicles to other units during that period of time, thereby getting good results for vehicle maintenance.
All this - for what? "Pain is temporary - glory is forever" - Dicky, testosterone charged T-Shirt slogan. I beg to differ. "Infinitesimal glory gained from the performance of silly, imprudent, breast beating endeavours is temporary, injury and death are forever". So what if we get Best Unit? Whatever modicum of glory and honour that we get is fleeting - it will be forgotten by the next year, when a new unit wins the BUC (unless we win again, but how long can one keep winning?). And if every unit is good, even being 9th place is not a badge of shame. There are no palpable benefits arising from winning BUC. Perhaps regulars get promoted, and we get more money for more useless souvenirs, but that is all. And for this dubitable goal, we have numerous strenous training sessions, much hollering, and people are even - gasp - threatened with an extension of their ORD dates.
I realise many inspirational/self-help books send out contradictory messages. Maybe one day I shall expose this deficiency, and explore the negative consequences of following the advice given.
Amusing forum letter:
"People who try to find a cultural basis for criticising the choices made by others are just being petty.
The writer also advances his notion of 'Western cultural imperialism'.
I would like to know if there is a conscious and orchestrated effort being made by any organisation or movement in the West to impose, either overtly or covertly, this grand-sounding term on witless Asians...
I do believe that the very people who purport to champion all things Chinese seem to harbour feelings of inferiority, a notion propagated by their chauvinistic actions and defensive behaviour..."
Haha. Kudos to the writer!
They had a dance remix of the cheerleader chant from 'Bring It On' on the BBC World Service one day. That was astounding enough, the fact that a dance remix exists. The clincher, though, came when the presenter said that. "That's the first half of... 'Cheerleader'. The rest of it contains vulgar language which would not be appropriate on the World Service."
I believe they only played this part of the mind numbing remix:
"I'm sexy, I'm cute! I'm popular to boot!
I'm bitchin', great hair! The boys all love to stare!
I'm wanted, I'm hot! I'm everything your not!
I'm pretty, I'm cool! I dominate the school!"
but they omitted the much more, uhh, naughty part:
"Who am I? Just guess! Guys wanna touch my chest!
I'm rockin'! I smile! And many think I'm vile.
I'm flyin', I jump! You can look but don't you hump! Whoo!
I'm major, I roar! I swear I'm not a whore!
We cheer and we lead! We act like we're on speed!
you hate us cause we're beautiful well we don't like u either!
We're cheerleaders! We are cheerleaders! uh oh!"
I don't see what's so vulgar about that. Evil Political Correctness!
Quotes:
I need someone who can spit (speak)
I can't change your face. If you have a baby look I can't change your baby look, [Refers to self] not like this fucking rusty face... If you have a baby look, all the girls will love you
[On impressing girls] Don't bring your weapon. Bring your own personal weapon that is attached to you for 21 years. Mine is 45 years. [Laughs from audience] Never miss. Never IA. [Racuous laughs] (has been attached for, I never)
I will not call you 'jee bye' because you are not a jee bye (you a)
HQ has no CSM... CMI - Company Major Idiot
[Me on someone he doesn't like: Call him, call him...] Chauffeur. [Me: 'Chauffeur' sounds better than 'driver'.] Fuck you, 'driver' sounds better.