Saturday, November 11, 2006

This is very stupid:

Facebook | There Are Some Things Guys Should Always Do For Girls. Period.

"Sometimes, guys, we gotta be men, not guys. Step up. Seriously... it's getting annoying. really.

0. But... there are exceptions to these rules, if she REALLY wants to do something... you have to let her. See rule 32.

1. Open doors, whether it be to a building or a car, that's just a given.

2. When in a place of worship (or other places that have aisles and pews), if a man is at the end of the pew, when exiting he should stand in the aisle and let all the females go before him.

3. A man should tolerate the occassional chick flick (or musical, or opera, or ballet.. whatever her preference is) *without* complaining about it!

4. Play one of the songs that would make any woman weep like the little girl she once was (but in a good way). A brief list includes, but certainly isn't limited to: "You & Me" Lifehouse, anything by Frank Sinatra, any rendition of "Everything I Do, I Do it for You", "Collide" by Howie Day, "Out of my League" Steven Speaks, and MOST IMPORTANTLY "Question" by the Old 97's (if you propose to a girl with this song, she is putty in your hands).

5. Talk! The strong & silent bit goes from intriguing to boring quite fast.

6. Find out what her favorite flower is & buy them for her randomly (or if you're in the doghouse...). Good rule of thumb: a single rose says more than dozens of anything else.

7. If you miss her, or love her, TELL HER! Even your friends like to hear it every now & again.

8. Re-enact Zales commercials (the ice is nice but certainly not mandatory).

9. Remember: the best gifts you can give are usually free of cost.

10. Leave a note (or send a message) just to say "hi".

11. Ask her questions about herself.

12. Dress nice every once & a while. Any girl likes to see her brother/friend/boyfriend/e
tc. in a well-ironed button up with some nice slacks.

13. PRIDE & PREJUDICE ...that's all I have to say about that (I mean, that should speak for itself).

14. Tolerate small children as best you can. Meaning, put up with the things that can get annoying. They're children after all. Show them love and care, teach them how to become a better man than you.

15. Learn to dance! There is nothing sexier than a man that can dance really well. If God did not bless you with the grace of Fred Astaire, at least put forth the effort, it will be greatly appreciated. Always slow dance (even if its just like you danced in middle school). Also, men, sing to a lady. Even in you're terrible, suck it up! They love to listen to it and will not care what you sound like. It's the thought that counts on this one. Unless you're just downright terrible, nothing sexy about that. haha, thanks Jade!

16. Kiss her on the forehead.

17. When she's sick, stay up with her. If you can cook (which is *always* a plus), make her some soup. If you can't cook, there's Campbell's soup at hand for you.

18. Pretend to throw her in the pool (or fountain/pond). She'll fight you, but seccretly she loves it. If you really do throw her in, you better jump in yourself. **NOTE** There are some women who just hate this, so you had better do two things: 1) never allow your buddies be a part of it if you're unsure of how she feels about getting thrown in and 2) you had better know how she feels about it!

19. Hold her hand while you talk, drive, or just for the heck of it (it's the small things that win you big points).

20. LOOK IN HER EYES, NOT AT HER CHEST!!!!!

21. Stupid jokes= awkwardly adorable moments.

22. Tickle her, tease her, let her tease you back with out getting all bent out of shape about it

23. Don't call her hot, or pretty, or cute, call her beautiful because that's what she is.

24. Offer her your jacket/sweatshirt. (Note: you may not see that particular item of clothing for a while, if ever again).

25. Don't be too proud to apologize.

26. It's not stalking to watch her sleep if you fall asleep watching a movie. It is stalking to watch her sleep if you're standing outside her window with night vision goggles.

27. When she feels at her worst, tell her she looks her best.

28. If you're trying to get more than friendship out of the relationship, take it slow.

29. Because you're a guy doesn't mean you are completley incapable of calling when you say you will; it just means you are highly incapable of it. There are few acceptable answers to, "Why didn't you call?" & being male is not one of them.

30. Don't check out other girls in front of your girl friends/sisters/mother, unless you are sincere when you later ask them if you think she could introduce the two of you for more reason than you "want to get some". Pull this in front of your girlfriend/fiancee/wife, she has every right to clock you in the jaw.

31. Guys- Always offer to pay for the date. No matter how expensive it gets, especially if YOU asked HER on the date.

32. Always do everything in your power to keep her as happy as you can. And cheer her up in any way possible.

33. When walking on the sidewalk, always walk on the outside near traffic.

34. At least do everything in your power to keep cursing to a minimum while around her. If you can, cut it out period while around her, or cut it out of your vocabulary. Women don't want to hear it, guys don't care about it, adults don't want to hear it, it doesn't impress employers, and you sure won't want your children or someone elses to hear it!

35. Sometimes you have to take the initiative. don't always wait for her to come to you, because if that's how it always is you're going to lose her.

36. If any lady is walking alone to her car in a dark parking lot/garage, or is carrying a heavy load, always offer to help walk her to her destination and carry things, if not the entire load. **This may work a lot better and come off non-stalkerish if you at least know the girl you're trying to help. haha Thanks to a LOT of people on this revision.

37. If a woman says no, let that be her final answer. Do not pressure or force her in any way. Don't make her give in to something she doesn't want to do.

38. Always be honest with her. No woman wants or likes a dishonest man. If you can't be honest with her she can't trust you, and shows you don't trust her enough to be honest. Trust, honesty and integrity are just as an integral part of a relationship and just as important as love.

39. A man should always genuinely listen to women; no matter how boring or busy the man is, actively listening to the woman will keep him from pain [and bring the man and woman closer together]. This works best, of course, when both the man and the woman actively and equally engage in conversation (this includes listening). For the ladies reading this, please talk - always talk - especially if you are having problems with the relationship and to also avoid making bigger problems.

Thanks guys for all the comments and adds and invitations. I just want every guy to see this list at least once, if he can't do it... great! That means there's a better chance for guys to take a step up."


Luckily, there's a slew of counter-groups, the best of which is:

Facebook | There Are Some Things Girls Should Always Do For Guys. Period.

"Lets face it: if women are going to expect men to be perfect and treat them like angels (see the facebook group "There Are Some Things Guys Should Always Do For Girls. Period") , then men have a right to expect certain things in return. Here's a brief list. Feel free to add more in the discussion forum for review and possible inclusion.

1) Don’t question him. Men are the ultimate authority in any relationship, and should be treated with respect and obedience.

2) When he gets home from work, always meet him with a martini. On your knees.

3) Cook him dinner every night. A man works hard to take care of you and provide for you. Make sure he knows you appreciate it! If you can’t cook, ask your mother to teach you. If she can’t cook, pay for professional cooking classes. No amount is too much to make sure you can provide your husband with a hot, home cooked meal every night!

4) Have breakfast waiting for him when he wakes up. A man appreciates a hot breakfast to get him started for the day. Even if you have to get up two hours before him in order to have it ready, it is vital that you do not skip this simple way of showing him you care.

5) Never ask for presents from him. As the principal breadwinner of the family, he alone decides how his salary should be spent. If he buys you a present, you should award him accordingly with his favorite dessert. Diamonds should be rewarded with oral sex. Always.

6) Never pass gas, make crude jokes, sweat, or make reference to using the bathroom in his presence. If you must leave him to go to the restroom, make your excuses by saying, “I am going to powder my nose.” Anything else is inexcusably rude and grounds for termination of your relationship.

7) Never ask him to pick up the children from school, the dry cleaning, or the dog from the vet. His free time is infinitely more valuable than yours.

8) Be attentive to his needs. If his back is hurting, give him a back massage. If his feet ache, rub them. If he needs sexual intercourse, do not deny him. Remember: an unhappy man at home leads to an unproductive man in the workplace!

9) Do not try and feed him “healthy” or “nutritious” food unless he requests it! If he wants meatloaf and mashed potatoes, cook it for him. It is not your place to try and regulate what he eats.

10) The inclusion of the former specific rules does not negate the need for further rules should the situation arise. If you are curious as to whether a specific course of action is appropriate, consult rule number one.

Contact Info
Office: The Kitchen. No admittance unless barefooted."

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